Whoever Wins This Contest Will Get A Tank

I went to a subway sandwich shop and asked them for a bun. They said I had to have something on it(guess subway can't sell just buns) so I told then to "put some lettuce on it." they said, "that'll be $1.75." I said, " it's for a duck." they said, "alright then it's free" . . . (I didn't know ducks eat free at subway) "hold on a minute," I say, "lemme get a steak fajita sandwich, but don't bother with the price ... It's for a duck! There are actually six ducks out there ... And they all want sun chips!"
 
Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you want to be tough, grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding!

-Betty White
 
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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky thinking,where the heck is the ceiling

When I die I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather in his sleep--not like the passengers in his car screaming

Friendship is like peeing on oneself,every one can see it but only you get the warm feeling that it brings


 
15 THINGS TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS THINK YOU'RE INSANE!!
1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Moo when they say your name.
3. Run into walls.
4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine
6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"
7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"
8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time.
9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"
10. Do what they actually tell you.
11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly.
12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people.
13. At everything they say yell, Liar.
14. Try to swim in the floor.
15. Tap on their door all night.
 
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