((Opinions)) Homophobia or nah?

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Nemo

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My friend asked me a question the other day, he said "Would you let your future kids wear the opposite genders' clothes if they asked to?".

And immediately I said, "Yes." He said he wouldn't put his kids through that and allow them to get bullied at school, but he'd still love them fully if they were not "straight".

This friend of mine is particularly religious. He went on to say, "I would love them with my entire heart. That being said, I grew up believing man should be with woman and that's how it's supposed to be."

I asked, "So, you believe if your kids are not straight they will be dammed?"

And he said, "I would worry. Most definitely. Because you never know. What if God is real. I would feel like I failed somehow."

And I said, "I'm not trying to be mean when I say this, but from what you're telling me, you do know that you're homophobic, right?"

And he said, "No. I'm not. I'm not scared of them"

And then I went on to explain how worrying if their soul would be damned, is part of homophobia. He denied it and refused to be categorized as homophobic because he said, "I would love them and accept them".

Anywho, sorry for the long read. But what's your opinion on the matter?
 
1. Clothing should have no gender. There shouldn't be such thing as "opposite gender's clothing". All clothing should be considered gender neutral.

2. Yes, it's homophobic. The -phobia suffix in relation to the word homophobia does relate to a fear ー albeit subconscious. George Weinberg described it best, in my opinion: "[A] phobia about homosexuals.... It was a fear of homosexuals which seemed to be associated with a fear of contagion, a fear of reducing the things one fought for — home and family. It was a religious fear and it had led to great brutality as fear always does." The hypothetical child's sexuality is making him fearful because the man is afraid of damnation by his religious figure. He has associated being gay with dancing with the Devil.
 
No, I don’t think it's homophobic. One of my brothers is very similar. He loves me and is glad to see me happy with whoever but he thinks I'm going to hell. Not because he hates gay people but because that's what the bibles says and he believes everything in that book. I think it's possible to love and care about someone and at the same time wish they were different in certain ways and while it's annoying sometimes, I've come to accept that you can't rly change how people think. As long as no one is hurting someone or trying to stop ppl from having rights for being gay then i don't consider them homophobic and i don't think them preferring straightness over gayness matters. Being straight is ideal in today's society until actual homophobia is completely eradicated so ofc most parents would prefer their children be straight.
 
Ho•mo•pho•bi•a
Noun
Dislike or prejudice against homosexuals

being homophobic is not about being afraid, its about seeing homosexuals and feeling disgust/hatred/discontent towards them. The whole “straight” thing was brought upon most groups of colour because of europeans to begin with. Native Americans have a history with LGBT (look up two spirited). So did india as well as many other east asian countries until europeans colonized/tried to colonize them and a lot of people unfortunately refuse to see it or don’t even know it.

As for the dress thing, thats his own choice as a parent to not allow his kid to do what they want. i don’t agree with it but its not a crime.
 
While it’s great that he says he would love them either way, him believing that a homosexual would be damned to hell is a homophobic sort of idea. Homophobia is not just a simple “scared of the homosexual person”. Phobias are complex. It is a fear of homosexuality in many ways, and he /is/ fearful of it in the way of he is fearful being homosexual will damn someone, or his children in this situation.

People often try to excuse homophobic ideas or behavior by believing it is strictly what they believe a phobia (“the ‘irrational’ and intense fear of” part of phobia) when it is much more than that. It is given the word phobia because a phobia is something unpleasant, unenjoyable, etc., not just an extreme fear.

Him accepting and believing that the God he believes in will damn someone for sexuality, and believing he as a parent had failed, is homophobic. It really comes down to that idea, “failed”. Believing you have /failed/ because your child is gay, a naturally occurring thing, and they are now damned is an extremely harmful idea. Believing it to be a failure on your part shows dislike towards the action and, ultimately, fear.

So, yes, while it is good that he still believes he would love his child, what he said does fall under homophobia.
 
Not homophobic. More like, naive.

He says he'll love them but there are "conditions". They can't wear what they want and he won't support that. It will affect his kid's self-image in the long run. No, he'll probably keep pushing his kids to "God" which will only torment them. And he won't see any of their suffering because "love".
 
By definition, I suppose he would be considered homophobic, but I really think he's just scared of being judged. He seems to be more worried what people would think and say, even God. [What if God is real; I would feel like I failed as a parent.] He's fearful that one day he will be harshly judged by his God and told he didn't raise his son right, because what if homosexuality is a sin to be damned for? What will so-and-so say about what my kids wear?
 
I grew up around religion however I don’t believe in it and i never will.God to me is just something people tempt to look for some kind of relief, hope or love.

Dressing your kids in opposite genders is your decision whatever you feel comfortable doing. Some parents will agree and disagree as usual.
This actions will lead to the kids growing up wanting to be part of the lgbt community. This is something you lead them too. I know this isn’t what was asked but just putting it out there.

When it comes to your kids asking if they can wear it? to me, that’s already a failure of parent I’ve become because they shouldn’t have to ask me. They should already know they’re welcome to wear whatever they want regardless of what the public will say. The public is never satisfied and is constantly talking about someone’s appearance. they should know I’ll love em with all my heart and fight for them on whatever path they lead on.

With this said, I’m that type of parent that anything flows and I’m okay with it, as long as respect is being enforced. I do have morals and my kids will have them too, regardless of what their friends decide to do.
 
Muschi said:
1. Clothing should have no gender. There shouldn't be such thing as "opposite gender's clothing". All clothing should be considered gender neutral.

2. Yes, it's homophobic. The -phobia suffix in relation to the word homophobia does relate to a fear ー albeit subconscious. George Weinberg described it best, in my opinion: "[A] phobia about homosexuals.... It was a fear of homosexuals which seemed to be associated with a fear of contagion, a fear of reducing the things one fought for — home and family. It was a religious fear and it had led to great brutality as fear always does." The hypothetical child's sexuality is making him fearful because the man is afraid of damnation by his religious figure. He has associated being gay with dancing with the Devil.
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Agree.
 
I don't think this is homophobic. He outwardly says he would accept him being gay and would still love him. Therefore, I'm assuming that there would be no prejudice or disdain for him *because* he is Gay. Sure, his religious and spiritual beliefs call that his son is going to hell and he believes that, yet the fact that he accepts him and is not going to discriminate him counters the concept of homophobia.

An example could be most Christians believe anyone who does not believe in jesus is going to hell. That doesnt mean Christians have a phobia towards jews,muslims, Hindus, etc simply because there was no discrimination or aversion towards them. If that is the case, literally every religion and/or belief has a phobia for the other.
 
xXNinaXx said:
I don't think this is homophobic. He outwardly says he would accept him being gay and would still love him. Therefore, I'm assuming that there would be no prejudice or disdain for him *because* he is Gay. Sure, his religious and spiritual beliefs call that his son is going to hell and he believes that, yet the fact that he accepts him and is not going to discriminate him counters the concept of homophobia.
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I disagree with the "accepting" part. He says he would accept the child, but he also contradicts that in other things he says ー i.e., saying that he would fail as a parent for having a gay child. That is not accepting. Just because he won't be blatantly homophobic towards the child does not mean he is fully accepting. Believing a gay child is a symbol of failure is not acceptance.
 
Muschi said:
xXNinaXx said:
I don't think this is homophobic. He outwardly says he would accept him being gay and would still love him. Therefore, I'm assuming that there would be no prejudice or disdain for him *because* he is Gay. Sure, his religious and spiritual beliefs call that his son is going to hell and he believes that, yet the fact that he accepts him and is not going to discriminate him counters the concept of homophobia.
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I disagree with the "accepting" part. He says he would accept the child, but he also contradicts that in other things he says ー i.e., saying that he would fail as a parent for having a gay child. That is not accepting. Just because he won't be blatantly homophobic towards the child does not mean he is fully accepting. Believing a gay child is a symbol of failure is not acceptance.
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Life is complicated you know... to accept something fully 100% of what they don't disagree is so difficult. But he say he accept his child for being gay, he love his child.
 
People can say whatever they want. It's their actions that show the truth. He may think he's being accepting, but by calling his hypothetical child a symbol of failure, he is NOT being accepting at all.
 
Muschi said:
People can say whatever they want. It's their actions that show the truth. He may think he's being accepting, but by calling his hypothetical child a symbol of failure, he is NOT being accepting at all.
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periodT
 
I just think people who are different are extremely sensitive in America when people don't care. You don't have to accept someone, but you should show them respect.

Phobia is a fear, not disagreeing with a lifestyle, sexuality, gender, age or height or whatever it may be.

You can be white and not like black people. It wouldn't be racist, but when you feel superior or negativity towards someone, then it's racist.

If all the sensitive people were smacked around enough, America could be great. I state this in Hope's that every group can coexist together in harmony without being sensitive... as long as we're all respected.
 
Oof, complicated.
If I were him/her, I'd wonder how much of the Bible is original and real (from a believer point of view, that is) after so many conciliums (is that the English word?), translations, etc.
From an historical point of view, any type of non reproductive sex (any) was "banned", aka, categorized as a sin, because Christians needed more reproduction to have more soldiers and evangelization.
But it's hard to debate/deconstruct settled ideologies/beliefs with someone dogmatic. Dogma isn't open to debate, unlike other types of knowledge/ideologies.
I'd say your friend has a grade of homophobia, not the worst. Part of my family has the same way of thinking, more because they're conservatives than actually practicing religious people.
 
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