I will  *clears throat and mats the mic*  Dearly Beloved, We are gathered here today to honor a great vegetable and amazing friend.  Kevin The Eggplant was Beasty. He had 23 ex girlfriends....all of them fruits. Naughty naughty Kevin . He passed on the day of September 6th, 2011 and he will be forever remembered. Thank you 
Also His favorite letter was Z and he loved the song I  rock n roll by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts