Untitled Written Work

A

*A51-Florence- (01)

New Member
Hey yall! I'm a frustrated artist/poet/whatchamacallit.
"Little Miss Sparcs" is my nom de plume.
FYI, I don't put titles to my work because I don't feel like labeling them.  But yall can suggest titles too if it pleases you.
And I just wanted to share my newest work to yall. Constructive criticisms are welcomed. 
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Look at me now.
Look at me go.

See me smiling at you.
See me laughing at you.

You see that I'm not as I wished to be.
You see that I'm not as I used to be.

Time has changed me.
Time has blessed me.

You've watched me cry over you.
Now watch me walk all over you.

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------- Little Miss Sparcs --------
 
The repetition is nice but I feel like it lacks any relation to a rhythmic feel (which isn't necessary, nothing is in poetry) You could add a descriptive words or metaphors to further enhance your image instead of strict lines that describe the exact situation ("...walk over you"). Give some imaginative freedom to readers. Do upload more poems.
 
@2school4cool, My poem is mostly an open-form poetry which means it does not need any rhyming. And I was strictly sticking to decscriptive words that are different but close to each others meaning. Its hard to explain but I was trying to show how word changes affect the perception.
Thanks for the critique and I'll post some more when inspiration hits me.  These things just come to me out of nowhere so its hard to tell when my next one would be.
 
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