This is a wonderful piece of writing... But It makes me sad to see no constructive criticism. I enjoy the lust and 'Graphic' moments as It keeps me interested as a teen reader. However... I think the location could be described better. Reading over the last few chapters, theirs been no connection so to speak. One minute its this, the next it this because so and so did this... No build up to the kissing, like what Angel felt when going to her brothers room at night? How did her environment change and evolve as she got closer? Example... The walls screamed at me to go back, their menacing eyes ripped into me. The once peaceful hallway had become a walkway to hell. I knew what waited me for in the other room, something I wanted badly... My brother. Panda x
Lol. I know I can improve. I don't do description at all... Suck at it. And, I can't. No inspiration, motivation, or co-writer currently lol.
Just re-read your writing sometimes, see where you think you could swap 'Weaker' words for more 'powerful' ones. For example The girl walked to the shop. Changed to The girl sprinted effortlessly to the shop Simples! Panda x
Thank you, EnglishPanda, for pointing out that we need to learn to use words. I feel as if my Neanderthal ways of writing simple paragraphs have not been changed whatsoever by your slightly mediocre explanation of words. I will take your first post into account, however.