ROSE YOU'RE HERE! AND YES THAT ROSE CHICK IS PRETTY AWESOME. So here's an update! Sorry if it's late... again and... long? ---------------------------------- "Raven... somewhere in your heart there is one thing that will make everything return to the normal state. You are the key to everything in the world. You have to be careful, other creatures are looking for you. To kill you. You will have to face the truth. I know that someday you will reach my expectation. Make me believe in you... I trust you, my daughter." I open my eyes suddenly and gasp for air, I could feel the cold sweats on my body. THE SAME DREAM. I thought. I look around me. "You're awake!" A soft voice says. I look at her head to toe. A chubby cute girl. Hispanic as I may see. Her tan skin, her wavy brunette hair up to her waist, her pinkish cheeks, her brown sexy eyes and her thin lips, so gorgeously made by God. "Who are you...?" I ask straightly. Her eyes widen in shock and excitement, "Amanda. Amanda Garcia. Are you okay?" I stand up right away and scream in pain, "Fuck!" I look at her, "do you think I'm okay?" Her eyes full of worry as she helped me stand up properly. She pulls me slowly, "you okay now?" she asks. I smile at her, "Yepp. Thanks." I look around me describing what surrounded me. It seems like a Victorian House. The bed is king size and the sheetings are really nice. The floor is carpeted, the wallpaper is really White. Overall the room is really big. "Where am I?" I ask in curiosity. "My house." She says. I look at her and ask her why I was here. "Well, I was walking at the park yesterday and saw you... You were like a zombie," she giggles, "I mean... You were walking really weakly and I had a good feeling about you, so I went near you but you collapsed in my arms and then you were mumbling something... Uhm..." she thinks hard and then snaps her finger with a bright smile, "Ethuz athiz rhaz thoruz ozen." My eyes widen with horror. What did I mean? "I am the chosen one..." I translated out loud. She tilts her head, "Huh? What language is that...?" I smiles at her weakly, "Do you believe in mythological creatures?" she nods and I sigh, "goblin language." WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT? She laughs hysterically, "Are you serious?" I smile at her and flicked my finger, "I'm sorry." I sigh as she faints. I made her forget what I just said. She had to not know. I creaked the wide wooden White door open. There were maids. I got out through the window. I was in the third floor. I look down and smiled, I can do this. I thought. And out I went, I jumped and flew with the wind. As I reached the ground I giggled. My eyes pure black, I felt it crawling in my veins. Magic.
ㅡ Nolaine's POV ㅡ I sit down on my black soft couch inside the room. My head is going crazy. There's only three more days 'till Raven's birthday. She can not remember the past. I can't let her... or she would go insane again. I breathe deeply as I lie down the couch. I'm being a bitch to her, I don't want to... I just have to. My magic together with Emilya, Rose and Angela isn't enough for her to forget. I'm afraid it will fade away soon. I'm afraid she will rememberㅡ no, we're afraid. I may be the leader, but Raven has this extraordinary magic. When she made me hover, it was like she paralysed me too. I couldn't move nor speak. All I could do was scream inside my head. I was horrified. KNOCK. I stand up and walk towards the window, I look out and see a black shadow figure standing erect looking at me with pure black glistening eyes. Raven. She giggles with a hint of menace in her voice. "Nolaine, would you let me in...?" She smirks. I look at her in disbelief. "You've been using magic...?" She scoffs, "Pretty much." I glare at her, "No." And close the window. I return back to the couch and grab the spell book my grandmother gave me when I was thirteen. BOOM! I startled when the window suddenly opened. "Raven..." I say hoarsely, my eyes in horror. I look at her eyes, it was much deeper. Like that time. "What's wrong if I use magic?" She says in a teary-eye. "Control it, Raven! This isn't who you are! CONTROL IT." I scream at her as I flick my fingers. It was draining my energy. I've learned this trick before with grandma but I ended up having a nosebleed. I am making the atmosphere much more brighter, lighter. I have to control it... But it's draining so fast. "Zeghr thaduz Nolaine." She glares at me as her eyes become much more darker and sparkling with interest. "Zu r-reghurez?" I stammer. What is she trying to stop me from...? How does she know I'm using magic? If I do this trick my eyes wouldn't go Black. I thought. "Dezux gehr ethuz reghurez?" She smirks. "Stop that language, Raven." I say. "Goblins are weak creatures. Took them down in a minute." "Raven, come back! This isn't who you are." "Who says so...?" My face I shock as I see her face. It was pale and her eyes were really black. It was scary. And her veins were showing. She's transforming.
First, I love the plot. I love how it's original, and isn't like every single other FF story. It's different. I love how the plot is interesting, and stays suspenseful. It's impossible to predict what comes next, because it's not a cliche story. There's cliffhangers, mystery characters, interesting twists, and an ever growing fear that the main character will turn evil. It makes me die inside when you don't update. I love how you make the sentences flow smoothly together, and it isn't choppy. Many stories have few transition words, which makes the story confusing and not as good. I love the detail. Not too much, not too little. I can picture the story in my head really well. I love how you use descriptive words, not just little fourth grade words. With the emotions, I can feel exactly how the character feels. I cry when they're heartbroken. I smile when they're happy. I squeal when they're excited. And I laugh when they make a fool out of themselves. I love how it seems professional, and is already way better than many published author. This goes for all of your stories. You really are a great writer, and I applaud you. But above all, I love the fact that I'm in it.
Angela. This story of ours shall be amazing. You literally took everything I was about to say dammit! Love the story though! I WANT MORE DETAILS! ~Toxic