The Crush

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *-GorgeousCareBear- (01), Sep 10, 2011.

  1. Dang what a perv
     
  2. A: umm okay then
     
  3. The ellie_777 comes up to Michael slaps him and eats angel. Jarrod flys into Neverland and Peter pan has an epic sword duel with him.
     
  4. A: Michael I don't hve time for yur games
    M: alrite here -kisses angel-
    A:stop Michael

    Jarod comes out from the class room and sees Michael kissing angel

    J: Michael
    M: hey
    J: didn't I say to stay away from angel
    M: no no u didn't
    J: well get away from her
    M: alrite imma come back for u angel just wait Hun
     
  5. Later that day Jarod was looking for anniversary present for angel he didn't know what to get her he had a ring and some roses but he didn't think it was big enough so maybe a romantic evening on the beach and a nice dinner with candles and wine and everything. Jarod might of been a jock but he had a soft side doesn't every guy need one lol.

    So Jarod calls angel

    -Jarod
    -Angel

     hey sexy whats up
    nothing much bored what u doing
     hanging around
    thats good
    u wanna do something
    sure umm wat are we doing
    I'm going to take u to the beach okay
    okay will u pick me up
    yea I'll be there in 20mins top alrite boo
    alrite baby I love u
    Love u too

    Jarod hangs up and grabs his stuff and dresses in a nice Polo and jeans and air force ones
     
  6. Why do you all praise her?

    Give her constructive criticism.

    No offence intended but you have no punctuation, your grammar is shocking and there is no detail.
     
  7. great story
     
  8. I love this story
     
  9. @Liquidicity
    ...
    It's like talking to bricks.
     
  10. I agree with you liquidicity
     
  11. I agree with liquidcity too. In other stories( not this story), the plot is really bad and the grammar is shocking and people just praise the author instead of giving the author constructive comments.
     
  12. I think you really need to take ppls advice. The grammar sucks, its kinda boring, and over used. It has potential but please fix it. I dont like it that much.. Sorry