Arg! I don't know who it is! I always suck at guessing. Anyways, good update.Maybe proof read a few times at the end, but overally I could find nearly no mistakes. Maybe try a new line for speaking, too make it clearer though. Example. "I hate alarm clocks," complained Frank. "That would explain the broken one thrown at me in my sleep..." Gerard smirked, with a raised eyebrow. (Incase you didn't realise, Gee and Frank are members of MCR. ALALA! *Fan girl scream*) Awesome update though.
Chapter 7-part 1 I'm walking down his hallway looking left and right biting my lip nervously. I close my eyes softly and think of what just happened. Forced... No I just lay there eyes closed trying to block out his face of content as he rises slowly up and down in a pattern. The pain is slightly clouding my eyes; I have never been one to tolerate pain. All I can think about is to get me out of here. I walk with a slight limp because of him. Dry... he used nothing to possibly soothe my pain. Captivating, how could he be this way? His trance put me in a fit of love. The way he walked, talked, dressed even. That top hat... NO! He wont be asleep for long, stairs, this is progress. One, two, three, four, landing... CREEEEEEAAAAAKKKK. I pause. My shallow breathing and my heart pounding filling my ears; no noise comes from the far room on the right. Safe. I'm almost safe. I walk carefully down the rest of the stairs. The door, all I can think about is the door. A latch opens but I only hear it in the distance, my mind is set on that door. Footsteps, I hear those to but they don't register. Then... Hands. Those get me, ice cold hands, wrapped around my mouth pulling me back against his chest. I want to scream but I can't I just thrash around. A soft soothing voice slips into my ear and twists itself to my brain stabbing me hard with a painful fight. "It's ok sweetheart. It's just me." I'm led out a window cradled in his arms, as we get outside he doesn't put me down, just keeps walking to a scooter. "You never change do you." I feel a hint of a smile against my cheek but I can't see anything because of the pitch black. ~^*^~ I'm on a white leather couch a cold cloth on my forehead and a face softly glowing above mine. I reach up to push it away groaning from the small throb below my lower back. It vanishes my hand flying through the air. He comes into view and I close my eyes. "I know your awake princess." Letting out a small sigh I look at him, blonde hair, baby blue eyes, soft slightly tanned skin from being down by the water so much. That pretty much makes up his complexion. "How did you know where to find me?" He smirks. "How do I know anything?" Rolling my eyes thinking about the times on the beach talking to him over an ice cream. Then how winter came and I stopped going down, and I met mark. His top hat, trench coat, sparkling eyes... I got lost in it all. I'm pulled back to the moment by a voice, and a name. "How is Jack?" I fix my hardest glare at him and he shrugs. "We aren't talking still." I spit at him.He nods slowly and falls silent. I feel slightly guilty for being like some sharp knife. "Sorry... It's... It's been a long night." he gets up putting a hand on my shoulder. "I know." I bite my lip and close my eyes slowly taking deep breaths. as I feel his foot steps getting softly farther. "Nick?!" He stops walking away and turns to look at me as I stare wide eyed. Chapter 7 -part 2 Pushed back into cold hard reality by a simple cough. I try to shy away gasping slightly as e reaches out again. "NO!" I start screaming and he looks panicked putting a hand over my mouth. "Please! Don't." I fall silent and Sit up I feel my hand raise into the air and fall hard onto his cheek. Getting a rush of satisfaction at the sound of a slight groan and his head snapping to the side. "What do you want?" I growl at him as he rubs his cheek where my hand print is sketched into it white with red around. A tiny cut from my grandfathers ring around my middle finger. "To apologize." he looks down sudden becoming the weak and worthless coward he is. I remember a few days after I had come back to school, my friends had swarmed me hearing of what had happened. And then I heard Mark had moved. I was pissed for so long, I got so many checks to make sure I didn't get anything, and to make sure I wasn't pregnant. "You should have done that ages ago! You bloody-" He cuts me off with two words . And then pauses. "I know." He stares at my face, a mask of anger in the depressing white room, staring back at him. "I should have long ago, but I was scared at what I had done." Pathetic, excuse of a son, an asss, someone I had trusted. Closing my eyes I point to the door. Feeling his lips graze over my fist. "Bye." I hear him rise and walk to the door, it opens softly and then closes. Letting out a soft sigh I open my eyes and sitting on the chair is a bag and a rose. Screaming slightly in frustration I push both off and roll over digging my face in my pillow. Closing my eyes more memories flash around in my head. I want to close all of them off and just lie here peacefully, nothing but white... Just... White.
I'm taking a vote... People that want me to continue put a WOOHOO! Or a on my wall. and people that dont put a or a -.- Thanks Tar
Try and explain more when your change scenes because you start at one scene then in the next update your in a different scene....I got a little confused with that
So... My fellow friends I am once and for all GONNA FINISH THIS BOOK! Anyways. Thank you for you kind advice and I shall be posting something about my final further return
Well aren't you just a rude person, how is it insulting? Hmm? What is insulting about MY WRITING? May I ask you. And why are you on fan fic when your version of role playing is -role plays- and a good book is about a boy?