Sorry! I'm too tired to do an update, but my dear reader I promise an update will happen tomorrow -.- sorry once again!
just read this, its really good! Maybe you could slow things down a bit? Take more time on the different 'scenes' (dont know how else to put it xD)? Just my advice BUMP
Chapter-4 part 2 The room was dim, my head felt heavy; I was on a nice plush chair. I looked around me, red. EVERYTHING was red. I groaned, first white now red! What the hell? I tried to recall what had happened, but my memory was to fogged up. I was in an old red velvet wing back chair, next to me was a lovely cherry wood round table. A single rose was on it nothing else. Across from me was a circle of red velvet chairs. Same as mine, but different sizes. The circle was more of an oval I was at one of the heads. Behind me was a cherry wood door leading out of the room. I then realized this wasn't a regular room. It was circle. The walls were top to bottom book shelves, I tried to stand but my legs just gave way. I sigh and sit back down. Then I notice the lamps set around in a sort of pattern. I look to the center of the circle and there is a table, on the table there is a glass box with red looking type candies. It reminds me of Alice in wonderland. This makes me smile. Then, suddenly the door bangs open behind me and I jump. "Your awake." a throaty voice speaks to me. I grimace at the sound of his voice. Although I don't know why. I never heard it. "I'm sorry. Who are you?" I say in a slight croak, I clear my throat. "Ahh the man you called daddy dear." He says with a small taunting chuckle. "Oh. I don't remember." I feel my cheeks growing hot. Expensive shoes click across the hardwood floor and a man stands in front of me. Wow. What a lovely jacket. Then I gasp sucking in my breath sharply. He just smiles warmly. "Hello dear." I narrow my eyes to make sure I'm seeing clearly. "Papi?" my grandpa smiles warmly at me. "Yes. That's what you called me." I nod slowly. "But you died." I say shock running through my body. He just shakes his head. "No. That's what everyone said. I went away for a little while. Soon that turned into something else all together." He nodded a far off look in his eyes, like he wasn't there. But... Was. "Oh... I see." I didn't know what to say really. He just nods slowly. "Follow me."
Chapter-5 It was a really bright day. I was thirteen and staying with my favorite grandpa, and not to mention. My cousin. Jack. Anyways, I was in the room we shared. Of course he was at one end in his bed fast asleep, and I was in my bed working on a prank to pull on him. I thought life was great whenever we got to go to our Papi's with each other. Jack was one big goofball, he always had a funny joke up his sleeve, and he was always ready for a prank. He was the Crém du la Cream, as people would say. I think the prank I had played worked, you know the one where you put the whipping cream in the victims hand. Next you softly run a feather under their nose, until BOOOOOOOM! They smack there face. It's so funny. And Jack was not happy. "WHY Torrance WHY?" he grumbled wiping his face. "You looked so peaceful." I said giving him major puppy eyes. "Please don't be mad with meeeeee." that solved everything. "FINE!" Although the next part I didn't see. He took the bottle of whip cream and creamed my hair.... Payback I guess. Of course our games soon ended. Later on one day Jack and I had this major fight. He said I always had to be in the spotlight and that really hurt. He said I was an annoying pest and then stormed off. We haven't fixed it. So you can imagine my surprise when Papi took me to where he took me. Happy?