OK. I forgot who I was all going to respond to so bear with me. Im from western new york. The town I'm from is very rural. I believe I said the graduating class is a total of about 40-50 kids, but I'll say that again. He's in the seventh grade but here the middle school and high school are in the same building, so technically he's in the high school now. While I don't condone violence I HAVE told my son if it ends up being physical, completely and totally kick some ass as much as you can and fight back. I agree that self defense classes would help build his confidence. Right now it may be difficult because every day is essentially a blizzard and driving sucks. We did get him boxing gloves and a standing bag and worked with it with him a bit. My son is a little introverted, he likes video games and is generally quiet around groups. He tries to fit in but frankly comes off as awkward. I went thru the awkward thing with my daughter but she never had the difficulties he is facing. I had problems all thru school too, we were poor and my brother who was older was severely obese all his life. I try to come from a place where I know what he's going thru but he get pretty upset easily, and when he does he just shuts down. I made this post because of a project he had for his English class. Is was "mindmapping" his external self, that went done, and then his internal self, which did not. He had his head down on the table covered with his blanket, like I said, blizzard, it is fckn cold here. When I asked him what was wrong he was shut down. Wouldn't answer, just shook his head and started crying. I kinda had an inkling of what it was but he wouldn't answer. I said OK fine, don't talk. Im sorry but I shouldn't have said that but I get frustrated that he doesn't talk to me, it is just super disheartening and idk. So I left the room and then heard 'thud....thud...thud...'. I came back in to find him head butting the table. I said no, enough, take a break, in your room, now. he ended up falling asleep. When he woke up (hence the late hour if this thread) was when he said to me "I looked at myself and realized everything I can put down is bad, nothing inside me is good." Frankly I just started crying. I love my son, told him that is just simply not true. said I would work with him tmrw on it and I will help him find all the great qualities about himself. I see them but he is so into what these little dicks tell him everyday that he does believe there is nothing good left in him. As a parent I was frustrated and idk, posted here once he went back to bed. Not an ideal place to vent but oh well. Sorry, realizing I'm really rambling.
It’s a perfect place to vent and you have every reason to be concerned for your child’s well being but you absolutely need to figure out if he is being physically assaulted or not. You need to find out the extent of the bullying and what exactly is happening. Someone in the faculty probably knows something. You can do it on the covert. You don’t have to make your child look like a “mommas boy”. You will look like what you are... a concerned parent. Just ask how he is doing in class to the teachers... maybe then you can get a clearer picture of when, where, and to what extent the bullying actually is. By all means, get involved and stay involved. That is the best thing a parent can do. Please do not take advice from people that do not have children. Some teachers are actually good at teaching and mentoring and can be more help while he is there presence too... without alienating him or enabling the bullies. I wish you the best of luck. I am always open for discussion on real topics.
Send an email to the principal and superintendent of the school. Document everything. Names, dates who was notified. What they did. Then get in touch with the Civil Liberties and copy them the letter. No child or person should ever be experiencing this bullying. Do not stop until your son is safe.
The rate of children taking their own lives from being bullied mentally has increased. Unfortunately, social media is not helping. A girl 14 years old just went to jail for posting to someone that if he so sick of being bullied, why not kill yourself. The 12 year old did. As a parent it is your responsibility to protect your son from harm.
Tbh I was quite an anti-social, awkward, overwhelmed, introverted quiet kid but I didn’t learn self defence to stand up for myself. I think it just provokes a feeling that you’re not strong enough on your own, but tmo. People used to make fun of the way and how I spoke (I have stutter and my accent was tinted), threw things at me, comment on my family (bad reputation) and insult me as being “weird”. I used to ignore them and walk away whenever they tried to approach me, hiding in the library or empty classrooms to study. If you react in the way they want you to the bullying gets worse, but one day I just had enough and kinda burst, consequently ripping a girl’s hair out cause she grabbed mine saying it was “fake”. I regret how I handled that situation but I can’t change that now. That was the first time I ever stood up for myself and people backed off a bit after that; not completely, but just enough to let me get through the day. I later found out they thought I was crazy. The bullying pretty much subsided when the years nearing our exams came and people matured (14/15 for me). I don’t condone violence: it makes things worse especially in this present day cause if you hit someone a whole group of them will gang up on you, but if someone attack’s first, I say go for it. I eventually developed an anxiety that left me feeling sick, bothered, unwanted and sad all the time, and ngl I wished my mum would’ve been more supporting and understanding to try and make my life a bit happier at home to get my mind off things; you know going out, having fun, asking how I am, helping me with schoolwork and such. I don’t think notifying the school makes anything better, in fact in all honesty the school barely cares and makes things worse. I suggest you do the best you can in helping him feel happier at home and keeping his mind off of school so he doesn’t let it get to him that much and that he feels the love from you that makes him feel better at the end of the day.
The teachers and counselors are aware. In fact during the parent teacher conference this last fall, his grades were an afterthought. They were all worried about him socially. We discussed the other kids and his behavior. He had started acting out and kinda tattling. I explained to them that I had told him to stand up for himself and to tell a teacher/counselor/etc when he feels that the kids are getting at him. But he, from what they explained, went to far with that, he tells about everything. So, sat home down when I got home to explain to him that not every situation calls for an adult to stand in. He needs to learn to handle the smaller things on his own in certain situations. Which sucks because he doesn't deal with confrontation well at all, but, he indeed does need to learn that. But with the relentless name calling and shoving does call for an adult. He has gone to the counselor but then the kids bother him nonstop as to why he was in the office. I tell him to tell them to mind their own business. Which ends up backfiring on him. So, he refuses to go down there anymore. Idk. Raising kids is an awful hard road to navigate. I thank you all for your honest replies and telling your own personal tales. Makes me feel like this formula hasn't completely gone to shit after all
I also sorry to have read the above. You were a victim. I am from the USA. Here there is zero tolerance. Documentation again is very important. A parent needs to be involved with the principal, superintendent, Civil Liberties. You can not just support a child at home, it's a bubble. You need to support them outside of the home. Next step is to get a restraining order. You will see how fast things change.
Lol. Zero tolerance is a slogan used in usa. Purely a slogan. It solves nothing in any school I ever went to
The easiest, yet most violent way to stop bullying is to beat up the person targeting you. At a mostly white school, I had to do dat. Had few detentions. At an all black school, those who weren't tough got bullied and treated like punks. Fighting was how you earned respect. Although it was respect from fear, kids understood why not to fúck wit certain individuals. Her son is prolly in middle school, where everyone graduates no matter what their grades are, if their expelled or suspended countless times. If he builds up his rep as not being a punk now, he won't have to worry about being bullied in high school. It's not about Morales or ethics, it's about survival. It's a dog eat dog world out here and he has to prepare himself for worse people who take shìt to different levels.
You're a female, males typically have stronger upper body strength. But disregarding dat, snitching always makes it worse. If it's a group, you should've at least hit one of them wit a solid punch. Being a pússy will make dem enjoy it more. He's also a young man, right? Someday he's going to have his own family. A strong man protects himself. A stronger man protects his loved ones.
I don't kno how to say this... You should've never gave up. You should've learned how to fight. I missed the point where you had some ambition to pursue not getting bullied until you succeeded. I missed the point where you as an individual wit yo own unique appearance, personality and thoughts... said to yourself, "I know who and what I am. What they say about me doesn't define me. I won't let them win. I won't let them make me feel the same way they feel about themselves." And it makes this area in my chest cry, where my heart is posed to be, cause if I knew you irl, I would've lent you a hand, even tho you're not someone I'd consider a friend.
Let him hang out with his friends more let him get out more. Friends help with everything. ? DO NOT let him do what my niece did and kick them in the junk ?