Sophia - True Story

no....no please god no...." I cried

I started sobbing...like a little girl.

As soon as the nurse sat beside me I just collapsed in her arms.

I was exhausted, exhausted with life to be fair.

I instantly considered suicide.

But I wouldn't, not now there's another life inside of me.

I couldn't get an abortion because I was against abortions but if I had this baby, when I would look into it's eyes I would just see one of the vile men who raped me...

"I don't think I could do it..." I said aloud.

The nurse scrunched up her face.

"honey...everything's going to be okay..." she hugged me comfortingly.

I started shaking wildly.

I definitely wasn't ready for school yet.

The nurse rang my dad and he came and picked me up.

"dad...." I sobbed when I saw him and crumbled in his arms.

I broke down...officially.

As he held me tight and I cried rivers he gently stroked my head and whispered, "sshhh...come on..."

I eventually calmed down and we went to the car.

We sat there for what felt like hours.

"dad....I can't have a baby....i just.....can't....do.....it!" I said inbetwen silent sobs.

"I wish Luke was here....I miss him so much...."

"look darling...we're going to get through this all....I promise......everything will be alright...." he sighed obviously not knowing what to do about his pregnant by rape, depressed, injured and emotionally scarred for life daughter.

We drove home and was greeted by my mum...she ran out and hugged me protectively.

She started to cry...I couldn't see or hear her but I knew she was crying...

"mum...." I whispered

"honey....we'll do whatever it takes to get through this all...." she cried.

I just nodded.

When we decided to take the drama off the streets we went inside.

I went immediately up to my room.

I sat down on my bed and lay back.

I let out a cry.... "ahhhh....i can't do this...."

I got up to my desk and started to write a letter.

"mum, dad, I realise I have put you through a lot...and I am done putting you through this pain...I can't do this anymore.....I will forever love you and can't thank you enough for the life you brought me...love you so much.."

I couldn't finish, I was sobbing again.

I went into my desk draw and took put the razor blade I placed there after rehab for situations like this.

I took it to my wrist and SLIT.

"ahhh." I winced in pain and tried to keep quiet as blood reaped out of my wrist.

One last tear fell to the floor as I slit my right wrist and blacked out.


*

I don't remember much about the following few weeks but I do rememer feeling small and sick...

I think I was too emotionally scarred that I've blocked it from my memory....what happened next I will ever know.

But I do remember coming home to a different home.

It wasn't the same, as I had got better I didn't feel like the same person...I was happier....this house felt different....

It must've been more than a few weeks but I don't really want to know how long I was whererver I was getting better because the thought of me being trapped for so long makes me sick.

If as much of you agree that abortion is wrong as much as I did, then you should understand how hard it was for me to do that....but I was so ill from everything, having a baby wouldn't help at all....

As I finally got back into the swing of school and trusting people more I got better...

Still to this day, those events haunt me...mostly when I'm alone or sleeping....

I thank everyone who helped me stay alive and healthy and thank you so much for taking the time to read my story.

I am eternally grateful

Xxxxx