since I'm here...poem

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by LelouchViBritannia-rebellion, Apr 21, 2014.

  1. I actually read some of it, but not all.
     
  2. He read it, trust. We shared some manly tears together.
     
  3. But still, with all the shit going through your head, I bet it's a good poem. Cause going through all that and still being able o piece something together, that's amazeballs.
     
  4. Bow you're amazeballs.
     
  5. Syaoran,
    Bro. Wanna help me by critiquing a poem I have to submit to my teacher this week?
     
  6. With me, it's funny...I thought I wouldn't survive, but I did survive, I was able to walk to the next day over and over, but each day is harder
     
  7. That doesn't top being a pickle though..
     
  8. Sure, I'll look at it fox
     
  9. Syao she's asking you on a date.. Say yes
     
  10. Aww my lik boy is growing up.
    Don't you break his heart Foxay
     
  11. You're right, it doesn't.. *pickle dance* 
     
  12.  bow 2 strikes.... 3 and you're out.
     
  13. See you even have your own dance.. I can't even dance
     
  14. Your system must hate you, anyways post it here and I'll look at it
     
  15. Lets leave these two alone pickles.. They have uhh some studying to do.
     
  16. Aye. I lied. There's two I need feedback on. Here's the first.

    ----
    the box part I (a list of things i would not normally talk about)

    under my bed
    there is a box.
    in the box
    there are things that
    i would not normally talk about.

    1
    in the box is a rock,
    smooth on one side,
    craggy on the other.
    The smooth side is easy to touch.
    cool and unblemished.
    no one wants to touch the other.
    to have soft skin catch on the
    roughness.
    it’s like the sides of me.
    no one wants to see that
    not slick,
    not polite,
    not “me” side.
    I don’t talk about who i might be behind closed doors.

    2
    in the box,
    under the rock,
    there is a note.
    words are smudged
    fading to indentations from when
    your pen ran out of ink.
    failing to write out “i love you” in
    chicken scratch.
    reminding me how tired you sounded
    the last time you hung up with no
    “i love you.”
    i don’t talk about you in the silence of a cold night.

    3
    in the box
    under the rock
    on the note,
    are words smudged with tears
    blue words dripping into each other.
    tears i didn’t know i shed till the words blurred,
    the last time i cried, i cried for you
    i don’t talk about choking on tears to the faces of concern.

    4
    under my bed
    there is a box.
    on the box
    there is a lid
    US
    it says in the middle of a
    tattered, worn white.
    I don’t talk about the US that became nothing.

    5
    lying in bed,
    the box seems to have a pulse.
    beating like your heart on nights
    you had snuck over.
    my room smells of summer.
    of sweat.
    of the woods you walked though,
    the scent clinging to you
    like i do the thoughts of you.
    i don’t talk about those nights alone in my room.

    under my bed,
    is our box.
    it’s tattered and worn.
    tonight,
    i will take it to the tree.
    there i will leave it.
    you won’t find it
    because the dead don’t move.
     
  17. I had to write one that rhymes and want to submit it to the journal at the end of May. I don't normally try to rhyme so yea.

    Finder's keepers,
    You found my heart on the ground,
    Dusted it off and put it in your pocket
    Promised you would make it pound.


    Loser's weepers,
    But you're not the one crying
    Even though you lost me to the world
    And all I'm doing is trying.

    Finder's keep
    And manage not to weep
    When they lose what they found
    Once low the ground.
    Because try as they might,
    Sometimes that thing isn't worth the fight.
    So they'll let it stay where they lost it
    Deep down in the bottom of their pocket.

    Finders never loose what they find
    They just hold on till there's nothing left.