I've decided to update this again, but with a little spiff on things. Two months later... Entry #26 Sorry, it's been a while notebook, after the commotion with Thalia and Emmer I just stopped. The therapist told me to take some time off and I...I am hurt. It's been approximately two months now we're in summer it's hot and sticky. The sidewalks dry, and sizzling melting dropped Popsicles that should been on sticks cooling down the temperature. I miss those good old days when I could talk, and when I was normal the day I met Thalia and Emmer it was like this I was younger. I was just four years old and had wandered not too far out of the place I called home and was lost. I found a small neighborhood and ran towards it thinking it was mine I beamed and smiled I was home! Sadly I wasn't this girl about five was pushing this four year old boy on a wheelchair she smiled. "Are you lost?" The first time I met Thalia her hair as long as it was black enveloped her shoulders down to her waist and her dark brown eyes would stare at me behind her thickly framed glasses, her pale skin drenched in a cold sweat she cocked her head to the side then held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Thalia, I'm 5 years old. It's nice to meetcha you look like you came from the Backwaters neighborhood across from the burger joint, if you follow me I'll walk you home!" She said smiling, I took her fragile hand that day, but as if forgetting something turned to Emmer. He was slightly tougher build than me for a four year old. He had clumped blond hair and light gray eyes that shifted side to side as if anxious. His tanned skin looked as if it were damaged by the heat. "Emmer, can we take him?–" Thalia asked him. I was confused then why he was in wheelchair and why she had to ask for his permission? He twitched, "I-it's h-hot, we–we should hurry th-then," he stammered over his words easily. Turning his wheelchair around Thalia talked to me on the way home it was our first conversation, but it's how we became friends all three of us. She told me about how Emmer had very weak knees despite his tough build and a temporary speech impairment that he had stuttering problems and some lisps one of his many dyslexia side effects. That summer was the beginning of friendships that I thought would last forever...maybe things are too good to be true. Signed by: Chris Dated: July 2, 2010
Mel's Review Station Story: Sideline guy Written by: -_lilCindal-_-CinCin-_ Extra Information: Unique~ Originality~ Truly I haven't read something like this written so well and that is also entertaining. The plot is unique in a very good way, leaving the child who couldn't talk after a horrible incident from basketball must try to recover. Interest~ The chapters at the start could of been a little longer with the addition of a few more details. Sometimes there was a few too many 'I's used that could make it repetitive. Other then that I enjoyed reading each of the entires and they were each unique and I never got bored of them. Characters~ Alright the characters are extremely cute in their own individual ways, you have shown them each with a different personality and style witch is shown wonderfully in the entries of each character. Emmer has dyslexia and with that Cin has found a creative way to show that by writing in his shoes, magnificent. Grammar~ As I stated before just a few too many 'I's it might make the story more interesting by finding different ways to write it without it. Though so etimes using 'I's are a good choice. Sometimes I would find one error in the chapters but not a lot. Summary Review~ I would recommend it to readers who something different, it is based around friendship and problems when you have a quirk that most kids don't. Thanks for letting me review your story~
Thanks for the awesome review Mel! I'll try to improve on my I's thing, but writing in first person I'm not sure that I can. Well it brings me more interesting challenges as a young writer.I also want to start some narration on this so the story seems to flow more together. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Entry #27 Sorry, I haven't been truly honest with you journal. It seems that events have been unexpectedly occurring in my life. First, things started the beginning of baseball season at school last year. There was an incident, but it wasn't an accident. In that incident I had ended up getting hurt and...well yeah. They say using a bit more description in these journals would help them comprehend what i'm going through. It seems that I just can't do it though. Everything that's been going on up until now...forget it. Signed by: Chris Dated: July 5, 2010 After a split in friendship Thalia brings out her journal hoping to update by putting her feelings, soul, and emotion into words. Update #4 I didn't start this updating again for Chris. Never...Sorry, I lost my temper, haha what am I saying this is paper! Stupid, stupid paper!.. Chris, Emmer...no! No! This is too melodramatic I just want to cry. He wasn't there for Emmer because of Chris..! Because of Chris..! I can't go back, I don't think you'll be able to help me anymore, writing doesn't help me. Or Emmer, I hope he comes back. Signed by: Thalia Dated: July 6,2010 As a result of the incident Thalia cries about while writing one of her last updates. Emmer was placed into a hospital and has been in critical condition for the past two months. In June he was placed on life support and has been drifting in and out of a coma. Due to his instability he's been unable to write his 'Jurnal' but the first words he says when he's conscious are, "I hope Chris is o-okay," then he drifts off unconsciously feeling guilty and torn Chris separates himself from Emmer. Who's life is in great jeopardy a mourns on his own past...almost selfishly. As Thalia blames Chris for Emmer becoming this way. The tragic twist continues, what really happened two months ago?