Sanctuary Of Secrets

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *Poisonstar-ShockClan (01), May 28, 2011.

  1. This is true. Lol I'll include you as the main character really starts his quest
     
  2. I don't need to be in it lol I just wanted to give you a new character idea lol
     
  3. Chapter 3: Sanctuary

    What is this creepy graveyard place ?
    John and I walk up to the black gates and i say " friend " in elvish and they open with a creek.

    Once taking the secrets and hiding them , John and I escape and A Bloodhound attaks but only badly wounds John , I am unscathed . After wounding John it trys to kill me but I kill it. My weapon is all bloody. This whole place , bloody , Mysterious , and even secret.
     
  4. Um.. Geez where to Start on that one.
    :?
     
  5. Chapter 4: Bloodhounds
    " Theres Too many of them but i thought i killed them " i shout in John's direction.
    The wrectched Bloodhounds keep coming and coming. I keep killing them. Once the bloody fight is over I notice that My sister has appeared again , I thought she was dead . I thought my brother was dead. I guess this isnt the end as i had feared it would be.
     
  6. Epilouge:

    I thought We were dead that once but It was nt the end , TherE's more to come , There's always more. I cant wait for more adventure and excitment.
     
  7. Preview: Secrets For Life
    " Kia ! Dalmerin ! your alive I thought you two were dead " I exclaim. " Lets get out of here " Dalmerin comments . " What are these things !" screams Kia. The two run and a bloodhound catches Dalmerin , killing him.
    " Dalmerin ! nooooooo! " i scream.
    " Its all my fault Dalmerin , Its all my fault !" I say " I should have protected you"
    Dalmerin , dead , How could it be , I was supossed to protect him and I let them kill him.
     
  8. ALL THE SPELLING MISTAKES!!! THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS!!!  MY EYES!!!!!
     
  9. Dan this is my story i can use my grammar so dont CORRECT It
     
  10. I agree with danzo!
     
  11. Yea but dont mean u guys can. Correct it i know theres grammar errors but their so little
     
  12.  that's improper grammar right there.

    I'm not correcting, I'm pointing it out so you can fix it, so the story may be more enjoyable and smooth for the reader.
     
  13. You still missing multiple punctuations and misuse of words and missing letters.
     
  14. So when I read it I only kinda understand what your trying to tell me and it leaves me to be not so eager for your next post. Overall it's bad writing. Just trying to help.
     
  15. K well if u tryin to help judt fix it .
     
  16. Sanctuary of Secrets lives on
     
  17.  this is almost exactly like mine, Secret Sanctuary!!! Even the blood hounds!!! 