Space between paragraphs? ._. other than that, it's wonderful. For an old easily confused lad like me, I can misread easily because of the pushed together paragraphs. ._. other than that it's wonderful. Only slight grammar mistakes such as 'your' and 'you're', but everyone makes those silly little mistakes. It's beautifulllll
Shorter paragraphs unless it is really long dialogue. 6-7sentences, or maybe 5-6 depending on how long they are. But long paragraphs give me headaches sometimes.
People. HOW COULDYOU NOT POST ON THIS?! THIS IS MARVELOUS. BEAUTIFUL. THE BEST THING EVER, SECOND TO INTERNETCRAP.
Well, thank you for answering my private thoughts. I think indignantly, as she smiles at my expression. "I can also read your emotions. Right now, you're very confused and very upset. Which is fair, considering you're being told you could possibly end the world as we know it." she says casually, her eyes unperceptively darting in my direction. I grimace as I think about the posibilities. I also hope she can't hear these thoughts because they're ugly and paranoid. She grimaces as I flood her mind with grim and terrible possibilities. "That's not the point, the point is, Ethan, that it'd be easier if you died. But I can't kill you. Ethan, I need you to disappear." she says bluntly. I stare ahead, thinking. Who was I, to kid myself. Did I really think happy ever after would happen for me? Did I really think this...I don't know how to describe it, would go unnoticed? I would probably end up dying anyways. She looks at me earnestly, almost pleadingly, "Ethan, I'd rather that you not have to be harmed because of the selfishness of humanity, but they're watching you. They always have been." "Who's they?" here come the antagonists, those who would carry my soul to the bloody bowels of death with them, or send me down alone. "The world in general...they won't accept us. They'll call us freaks. They'll want us to disappear, the fact that this whole place is unnoticed is a miracle...thanks to our brilliant friends who have grasped the concept of invisibility. We're the witches. We're the oddities, the rarities...we're not real. We're a figment of your imagination, we're the weird person shifting awkwardly in the bus. We're not real, nothing is real!" This information does not come as a surprise to me. I sit back in my chair, looking at her tiredly. "So, how am I going to die?" I say unemotionally, as my energy, and my will, drain. "We need to send you to Base One. They control everything." "What's going to happen to my parents? My school records? Am I just going to disappear of the face of the Earth?" "If we put them there, we can remove them. You'll just be a little hole in their minds. Granted, most of their memory will be wiped, but not enough to not remember the rest of your family, their functions, they'll still be the same people, they just won't remember." "But it'll be a long process to track down all of my relatives, everything..." "We have over a hundred telepaths that specialize in clearing someone's memory of specific things. It shouldn't be too hard. Also those who can manipulate machinery. It really isn't that hard." "Why should I believe you?" "Come again?" "This...this ISN'T POSSIBLE! THIS IS A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE DREAM! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" I'm panicking now. This is all moving too fast. I'm being prepared to die in my prime so I can't hurt anyone. But I don't want to die. I really don't. The walls of the already small closet are closing in on me...I'm going to die soon, aren't I? I think as I pass out You are. -------------End of part two------------- Oh lord. This is going exceptionally fast.