Not hurt. Just not tolerant of your racism, it's clear that you have an issue. You're welcome to laugh but you look disgusting.
I appreciate your paragraph ?? I tend to fixate on where I should be in life according to everyone around me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not up to par with everyone else and it messes with my head.
Focus on improving yourself bit by bit. You live your own life, not anybody else's. There are probably 100 sayings that illustrate the importance of that so I'ma pick one. Focus on your own shoe laces.