•_• I am into reading actually, and I never asked for a summary. I've always been told "Don't start a story off boring, stories need an attention grabber!" And sorry if my question was rude, it was just a question. ?
Mousy it was less directed at you. Although you should know that while attention grabbers can be beneficial, they aren't necessary. Some people prefer to kind of just introduce things slowly in the beginning and build up. Or you could consider this one big attention grabber, potentially.
:| ? I actually do feel like it was directed at me but okay good to know it wasn't directed at me that much because my complaining is much different.?
This is actually quite interesting. and I'm not much of a scifi reader honestly, but do keep going, I'd like to know more.
Hook. Start your very first sentence off with it. Pull me in and make me beg to read the rest. It was decent, but there needs to be a pull or I won't stay focused. Describe. Don't tell me what the surroundings are, describe them- not tell. Other than that, nice.
Example) "The room is painted a sterile white and books sit in tall, haphazard piles around the room." Perhaps say; "The sterile white walls do nothing to help the tall and haphazard piles of books piled around the room." Or something a long the lines of that. This is describing, not telling. In your sentences, you are telling me that the room is painted white. Just describe it as so! As for a hook, perhaps start off with: "We are born with a name, but I was called 236. A number." Then, proceed with your story... This is a hook. It draws me in and builds up the scene.