There’s a difference between what? I might be being slow right now I agreed with the one guy who said that kids need assistance and guidance. I understand personal space, but what your saying (correct me if I’m wrong) is that a child needs to be left alone and allowed to decide whether or not they want to speak with someone about something serious?
When did I say for the child to be left alone ?? You’re putting words into my mouth tf What part aren’t you getting of that I rather my child KNOW I AM THERE FOR THEM BUT, I am not going to FORCE or PRESSURE my child to admit what’s wrong. Which SOME parents DO and I think it’s wrong because it’s more damaging. That’s why I saying I rather my child approach me on their terms as some kids fear the judgement of their parents. In all honestly as a kid (9+) did you believe 100% of what your parents told you is what is going to happen? Ofc not everyone has doubt “Admit what you did I won’t get mad” “Tell me what’s wrong I won’t judge” “I won’t get mad if you tell me you broke my vase” With me I was skeptical of admitting to my mum about some problems. But in time I did, I made that decision FOR MYSELF. I wasn’t pressured into anything. I knew my mum was always going to be there for me if I needed anything. But she didn’t need or want to know the ins and outs of my life. She wanted me to independent and she respected my privacy as a teenager. I’m saying this tho for the age of a teenager because that’s when say real problems arise of bullying, depression, anxiety, stress start to rise. When below 12 kids will run to their parents and tell them everything. I know I did. I’ve never known a 10 year old to be secretive about bullying or a serious issue like that. Also with bullying the school always involves the parents in what’s going on. Well in all the schools I attended anyways. When parents put pressure and interrogate their child it does break the relationship and the child will have less trust and respect for the parent. As some kids may view that the parent isn’t on their side. So I rather be gentle and subtle than risk tarnishing my relationship with them.
First of all, relax. I didn’t put words in your mouth. I told you what I thought you meant. Told you to correct if I was wrong, which you did. I didn’t accuse you. Lol analyze what I said before getting riled up for no reason. And I see what you’re saying now. How if a parent was to force they’re child to talk to them, the child would feel less obligated to in a sense. What I don’t understand is that parents often times attempt to pull the “if you want to talk about anything, I’m here” and it barely ever works. What are your ideas of what a parent should do other than saying “I’m here for you” in order to get their child to feel more comfortable around them?
It’s easy Relate to them especially as a teenager. Like my mother would tell me all the mistakes/issues and experiences she went through as a kid. So it felt like we wasn’t on a mother daughter level. It was like we was sisters in way. As a kid you’re naive and you don’t think about your parents being kids and that they have had similar mistakes to you. In some situations my mum had to be the authority and set the rules etc so I respected her and didn’t take the mick. But in everything else she treated me like a adult. She let me be independent, she didn’t bubble wrap me and would give me real talks about life. She always pushed me to do better and not follow her path. But if I did, so long as I was happy she didn’t care. As my mum would always say you will never learn from my mistakes, you will have to make them yourself to learn the lesson. Which is true. Whenever I was in a bad situation whether it was bullying or stress or I’ve done something stupid etc. I knew my mum was always there to give me advice and help me out. I had trust in her to confide in her but it just took me time to build up the courage to admit stuff. Cause with some kids they find it embarrassing admitting their problems. Not everyone is so open. Kinda like forcing a introvert to speak publicly you know ? When I had crazy anxiety I developed a eating disorder. When I admitted to my mum (at the time I didn’t know what anxiety was I thought I was just going crazy). She let me explain my like symptoms and told me what I had. She then helped me get herbal calming tablets and helped with my end of school grades. She knew something was wrong and asked me if I was ok and that. But she wouldn’t like patronise me, hounding me about it and being invasive. She knew I would come to her in my own time. If she done that I probably wouldn’t have admitted it to her, cause I would fear there would consequences waiting. You need your kids to view you as a friend not just a authority figure. There should be a time where you can sit there and level with child. No authority no judgement. But my mother had me at a young age so that probably contributes to why we can be on a sister level. Whereas say if someone had a kid at 40 I think it would difficult to get to a “sister” level when their child is a teenager.
1. Give up phone app forums 2. Live or move to nation with strict gun laws 3. Go live in the wilderness and keep your kids away from social media keyboard warrior types
@Aphro I see what you’re saying and I guess all those things could contribute to becoming closer to your child. Thank you for your opinion.
If you are a parent you want and need your influence to be the strongest. If someone else’s influence is greater than yours that should send up a red flag. That’s how child molesters and sex traffickers get to your children, by having more influence over their actions. They groom children, but Each child is different, so watch for irregularities that send up red flags, if something feels off - it probably is.
A parent can only be their child’s greatest influence for only so long, or only for certain aspects of life, is kind of what you’re saying right? So like what should a parent do to have the greatest influence over their child? My parents did for a while, but as I grew, my horizon broadened and I was open to more people and things. I simply chose where I wanted to be. It’s not hard for a child to change their mind from one thing to another.
Okay. First you are not your child’s friend, nor should you act like you are. You are an authority figure in your child’s life, your actions, habits, and perspectives shape your child from the moment he/she is born. As parents we believe we know our children better than they know themselves, but we don’t. We may fill their lives with activities to “keep” them out of trouble and provide a well rounded upbringing, but we have absolutely no control over what they are really doing with their friends. We can only hope that the life lessons and moral code we’ve tried to teach them will hold up under peer pressure. We can only hope that our children’s friends’ parents are as conscientious and involved as we are in our home. Children are going to experiment, act out, be bullied or bully someone else, become curious about sèxuality, become anxious about puberty and the changes it brings, etc. You learn more from casual observation and listening to their play, their conversations with friends, and keeping current with the codes used by children to “avoid” parental detection. If it isn’t broke don’t try to fix it, if your gut is telling you something is wrong, listen to it. When your child asks for a moment of your time or is seeking attention, stop what you are doing and not only listen to them but HEAR what they are saying and how they are saying it. Children will often speak in the third person to distance themselves from what is wrong or talk about something that happened/is happening to “a friend or kid at school;” always base your response as if it were your child that had the problem but offering suggestions or ways for “the friend/kid” to overcome or seek help for the problem, praise your child for being concerned and explain they did a good thing telling an adult. When someone has more influence or control over your child than you do they will not come to you for help, they will not be open and honest with you, and only if you “save” them will they open up. Most concerned and involved parents will have a little voice or red flag feeling when something is wrong with their child. However due to the stigma related to mental health in this country many parents choose to not see the behavior or try to explain it away by saying “oh she’s just moody” or “he is just an overly emotional child.” Many do not see the warning signs until looking in retrospect after a tragedy has taken place. It is truly impossible to see inside another person’s head to gage their mental health so you have to watch for physical signs, behavioral changes, regression, acting out, bed wetting, nightmares, sleep disturbances, slipping grades, isolation etc to know that a mental or emotional problem has manifested. Sorry this was a book.
Of course as s child nature’s into an adolescent and young adult a parent’s influence will lessen. They are becoming their own person, growing into their niche, and spreading their wings. Teachers, Professors, Peers will slowly replace a part of the parental influence. I was speaking for the younger child
^^ I highly disagree with the friend part. If your child doesn’t consider you as their friend then you’re doing something wrong. You won’t talk about EVERYTHING to your parents like sèx etc. (Some people do tho, I can’t I’m a crude). But because me and mum are close it adds extra comfort and trust with her. My mum is my go to for practically anything whether it’s a stupid question about how to boil an egg. Whereas some friends they can’t do that with their mother, because that relationship is not there. Their parent has stuck to being an authority figure, so they’re not as close. Which I find horrible cause I couldn’t imagine being that with my mother. It’s like would you best friends with your drill Sargent and tell them everything ? I doubt it.