Since no one is strongly reviewing this... Direct comment: The writing in this is very good, they way you use your grammar shows you aren't stupid. ------ The story overall is very interesting. I would love to see the protagonist describe how they are feeling more because mostly I sense jealousy. It would be more exciting if she also showed the feeling of love around him more often. Readers like us, we love the drama and action but we also love hearing about the characters love life in general. Coming from a critics point of view I give this an A. Keep up the good work.
I looked back at the house. I held my suitcase in one hand, and Sarah's soft hand in the other. I bit my lip. I didn't want to leave... But I could not let Alex send Adam to jail... No. I wasn't going to let him do that... "Arianna... How come we have to leave... I don't want to leave," said Sarah and she tried releasing her hand from mine. "Stop. We can't stay. It's much too complicated for you to understand." "What? What don't I understand? I can see that you and Adam love each other. That much I can see. I may be young, but I'm not stupid!" "Hush Sarah! You may be right... But we can't go back," I said and I dragged her away from the house. "Stop struggling!" I shouted. "I don't wanna leave!" she cried. "We have to! Sarah please! Believe me! I don't want to leave either!" I said, tears forming in my eyes. "Oh God..." I said and I collapsed to the ground. "Arianna...?" Where were we going to go? There was nowhere I could take her. It would've been much easier if it was just me... But Sarah... There was nowhere where we could go. "Arianna what's wrong?" "I-I... I don't know what to do," I said. "I can't think of anywhere we can go! I'm sorry... Sarah I'm sorry..." She lightly patted my head. "Don't worry. We'll fins somewhere," she said. She didn't understand. She didn't realize that what I was making us do was dangerous beyond belief. If we couldn't find somewhere, we'd end up sleeping on the streets. "Arianna?" I whipped my head around to see Alex. He raised an eyebrow. "So you really left, huh?" he asked. "Good. Who knows what that creep would've done to you. You weren't safe there." I felt anger arise inside me. "Don't you dare say that about Adam!" I shouted. I stood up and faced him. "Adam? So he's having you call him by his first name? That would've been the beginning..." "Beginning of what...?" asked Sarah. "Something bad," said Alex and he smiled at her. "I'm glad I got you out of there," he said and he poked her nose. "Don't you dare say things like that to my sister!" I shouted. "You..." "It was you?" she asked and she looked directly into his eyes "What?" he said softly. "You're the reason Ari and I have to leave...? I likes it there with Adam!" "Sarah..." I whispered. "He was nice and now we have to leave! I don't wanna leave! I wanna go home! I wanna go home to Adam!" she cried. She pulled on my sleeve. "Let's go home Arianna!" she sobbed. "We can't! Sarah we can't!" "But he's family! You and Adam are in love! We have to go back!" "Sarah stop it..." I whispered. "Let's go! Arianna please! Let's go home!" "That's enough! Stop it!" I said loudly. "Arianna!" she wailed and she tugged harder on my sleeve. "I want to go home! Arianna!" That's when I tore my sleeve from her grip. "Just shut up!" I screamed and I sent a stinging slap across her face. I watched as she fell back onto the grass. She began to sob and she held her cheek. She wailed and screamed. I fell to my knees. "Sarah... Sarah I'm sorry. Oh God... I'm so sorry..." I said. I was so ashamed I wanted to just... I didn't even know... "You can stay with me and my family." I looked up. I had forgotten Alex was there. I looked away. I didn't want to... I didn't want to stay with him. But what choice did I have...? "O-okay..." I whispered. "Nooo!" sobbed Sarah. "Adam! Adam!!" she shouted. I pulled her up and dragged her along behind me as I followed Alex. I couldn't help but wonder... How did we end up here...?