I like the subject content, and story telling aspect. Try not to switch person (point of view) so much so abruptly during it. If you’re speaking in first person, try to stay in first person or give your readers a nice transition and good reason why you’re moving onto second, third person omniscient etc... it didn’t exactly make me cringe, but I think you can do better. Reread, Revise, Rewrite... until it comes across as you intended for it to.
See, criticizing without insulting me isn't so hard now is it. I had a better poem I wanted to post, but I'm going to have a friend look at it first
Yeah, but you have to give me something to work with. Previously I didn’t even know where to start to try to help or if you were serious or not. Then, you started writing just to prove things to people that don’t really have a clue about how this works. You shouldn’t take too much advice from someone that watches sports, but hasn’t ever played, or coached a real team much, if you want to be good at sports. So don’t take advice on writing songs from people that haven’t written at least 50 songs, or performed 50 songs in front of an audience themselves. They will constantly tell you about what they think works, but can’t even do it themselves effectively, and may cause you to quit because they gave up on their own dreams. Advice if you’re serious... You need to listen to this music a lot. You need to write a lot. You need to record yourself and listen to yourself a lot. Then you need to play it and perform it live for other people and get feedback... educated valuable opinions, and also opinions that you will most likely dismiss. (Yes, you need haters) Then, start over and do it again. After about 10,000 hours of practice, it will be difficult for anyone uneducated in your act, to complain about your artistry. Listen to your fans, but don’t try to gain fans by making art for them. Make the best art you can for yourself. That’s why your fans became your fans in the first place. ...Two of my favorite music quotes for you to reflect on: “Good musicians practice until they get it right. Great musicians practice until they cannot get it wrong.” -Wynton Marsalis “Competitions are for horses not artists.” -Bela Bartòk
And those are obvious lies. You're inna sfw wit Iconic, right? I never knew you had time to post nonsensical bs on noob's forum posts