Three guys, Poop, Manners, and Shut Up were driving too fast and Poop fell out of the car. Shut Up went to the police station. "What is your name?" asked the police officer. "Shut Up," Shut up said. "Hey, where are your manners?" replied the police officer. "Outside scraping up Poop!" think i got it ?
Q. How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? A. 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 ?, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife... A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Q. What do women and police cars have in common? A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian". A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".
Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box? A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"
Little Johnny went out into the garden and saw her pet cat lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead". "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that Daddy?" asked Johnny as she fought back the tears. At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven". Little Johnny seemed to take his cats death quite well. However two days later when her father came home from work Johnny had tears in her eyes and said, "Mummy almost died this morning". Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the boy and shouted, "How do you mean Johnny? "Well", mumbled Johnny, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mummy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting "Oh Jesus! I'm coming, I'm coming!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".