Plot development is so thin it's unbelievable, character development is worse, there are numerous choppy sentences here and there and the description is disturbingly lacking. I expected more from the fan fictioners. Come on guys, criticism. :|
Hell yeh you should continue! There have been TWO sections so far…character development is already there and if, (this is for you Goldialocks) for some absurd reason it isn't there then a) it will be once there is more of the story and b) go read something else if you don't like this……
You know, there's a reason criticism is important, and another why people don't bother giving it anymore, because people like you who act on a whim and get defensive all of a sudden don't acknowledge it, and that's why your story sucks. The truth hurts like fucking hell, but it's your option to take it. I don't mind it if you don't, but don't act like you don't need it. :|
@Olivia I don't think character development is when you put two uninteresting typical cliché high schoolers into one room, making them sound drone-like with no personality at all, and then suddenly using the 'YOU'RE A WIZARD, HARRY!!' technique of not making the topic detailed and just springing it to the next Goddamn scene is considered character development.
It's on the near top of my priority list after telling you to get that ego out of your thick fucking head. You don't have to accept criticism from me, and I don't expect people to, but I really find it sad that something like this can be considered 'good' when it's so stale and lifeless. :|
@Goldialocks You don't know me and I don't you, so who are you to a) swear for no reason…! and b) tell me and everyone one else reading (and ENJOYING!!!) this story where to take their ego's……because in actual fact, I'm sticking up for a story I like and a story that I would like to be continued. I agree with riri, character development will come in time, and like I said it's been TWO chapters……! ……………that's my rant for the day…
I now realize that Goldie might have a point. --------------- Justin's POV Does she realize how much pain she is putting me through? Does she know how much I don't want to lose her to Costa.... Whatever, the country? Does she know how much I love her? I rubbed my forehead, sweat was trickling down my face. This can't be happening, I thought. Maybe this is all a bad dream. Maybe she'll get tired of being a princess and she'll come back. But I knew that wasn't true. Get tired of being a princess? Am I stupid? ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()() Author's note: Thanks guys for all this lovely things you've written on my story, yes, maybe even Goldie.:| I'm writing this as I go, I'm not like the other writers. ()()()()()()()()()()()() I volunteer to stop right now, I can't really think of anything else. Thanks riri, and all the other fans that gave me ideas
You know what? Fuck shit bitch tits and I hope you grow the Goddamn fuck up and not berate me on my swearing because you HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO SO. Now shut the hell up. @OP, I'm really sorry but I just had to. It's a little irk of mine where I have to resist slamming my head into the wall from overwhelming hatred and just lack of tolerance for things. ,_,