Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I'd be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,So I could have a new one everyday.
"I wish there weren't different times zones! I want to travel to Paris but time travel can mess with your head!" /).- Are you effing kidding me?
"To be or not to be, this is Sparta" "My favorite number is cheese in the whole alphabet" "Remember, goats are mushrooms. If you shoot a duck, I'm afraid of toasters" That's all I know for now
Friend- Hey, bestie! Girl-Hey. Friend- My mom made stroodles. Girl-Great. Friends Mom- -looks like a female drunk rapper doing an insane rap pose- Eh, What up homie? Girl- Homie? I thought we was friends. I don't live on your roof. Friend- Mom! Don't embarrass me! Girl- Uh huh, look who's talking. Friend- Omg, I can't believe your saying this to me, I thought we were together! Girl- Together as what? Slow your mouth chicka. Friend- Dont use your street on me! Girl- I don't own a street, I own a 2.3 million dollar house, what do you expect. Friend- -cries and runs to room- Girl- -eats the stroodles- What is up with your kid. Mom- Eh, she's my daughter, though she's a total sod. -2 hours later- Friend- Hey bestie! Girl- -walks away- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I just hate it when my friends friends think that they will always have these "prissiness"for a friend. You need someone calm, dude.
This kid in my PE class:Marcus! I can't believe you hit a girl on the head with the dodge ball! Marcus:It was an accident! Teacher:You're an accident. Class:
Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: Why Three? Husband: For you and your parents Hope it works if it doesn't bang hehe jks
Math equations: If 2(plus)2=7 how many pancakes will fit on the roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.