According to Violet, EVERYONE was talking about me. Even Isabella! At lunch, when I sat down with Violet (Jake sits with his friends), almost all the girls wanted to sit with me! Only Isabella and 2 of her closest friends sat alone. They were jealous, of me of course. All the girls were like "OMG! In talking to a real mermaid!! Squeal! Can I have your autograph?" By the end of lunch, I had eaten one bite of food and signed a million binders, sweatshirts, hands, lockers, and legs. These blonde are crazy! By the time class had started, only Isabella and her friend Taylor didn't have something autographed my me. In class, people kept passing me notes, asking for me to either sign it or to come home with them. I threw them a away, but I signed a few. Someone passed me a note, and I was signing it, when the teacher came right up to me, a viscous expression on her face. "Detention!" he snarled. I sighed. Jake patted me on the back and pecked my cheek. "Don't worry." he whispered. "I'll get you out." And with that whisper, he earned a detention. By the end of the day I had several detentions. 5, to be exact. Crap. I had so much homework to do! In detention, Jake and I sat on other ends of the room. Stupid teacher. She had separated us and told us to do our homework, AND write "I will not talk in class or pass notes" one hindered times. By the time it was over, our hands were numb. When Jake and I got to his house, we each and a sandwich and went straight to bed. Who knew detention was so tiring! At school the next morning, I had a yellow tank top and a purple t shirt with my name, Audery, on it in cursive. I liked that shirt. I also had skinny jeans and yellow flats. At school, mobs surrounded me. I was always late to class because I couldn't get through. After lunch, a football player walked up to my and asked me out, but Jake heard. He punched the guy in the face. Jake was suspended for 3 months. And, some random lawyer said that I would move to my Aunt Taffy's house, all the way in California. Right there and then, I hated my life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to Violet, EVERYONE was talking about me. Even Isabella! At lunch, when I sat down with Violet (Jake sits with his friends), almost all the girls wanted to sit with me! Only Isabella and 2 of her closest friends sat alone. They were jealous, of me of course. All the girls were like "OMG! In talking to a real mermaid!! Squeal! Can I have your autograph?" By the end of lunch, I had eaten one bite of food and signed a million binders, sweatshirts, hands, lockers, and legs. These blonde are crazy! By the time class had started, only Isabella and her friend Taylor didn't have something autographed my me. In class, people kept passing me notes, asking for me to either sign it or to come home with them. I threw them a away, but I signed a few. Someone passed me a note, and I was signing it, when the teacher came right up to me, a viscous expression on her face. "Detention!" he snarled. I sighed. Jake patted me on the back and pecked my cheek. "Don't worry." he whispered. "I'll get you out." And with that whisper, he earned a detention. By the end of the day I had several detentions. 5, to be exact. Crap. I had so much homework to do! In detention, Jake and I sat on other ends of the room. Stupid teacher. She had separated us and told us to do our homework, AND write "I will not talk in class or pass notes" one hindered times. By the time it was over, our hands were numb. When Jake and I got to his house, we each and a sandwich and went straight to bed. Who knew detention was so tiring! At school the next morning, I had a yellow tank top and a purple t shirt with my name, Audery, on it in cursive. I liked that shirt. I also had skinny jeans and yellow flats. At school, mobs surrounded me. I was always late to class because I couldn't get through. After lunch, a football player walked up to my and asked me out, but Jake heard. He punched the guy in the face. Jake was suspended for 3 months. And, some random lawyer said that I would move to my Aunt Taffy's house, all the way in California. Right there and then, I hated my life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be careful, because you switch between past and present tense a few times. Also, remember to use paragraphs. =)
The next day, I arrived at Aunt Taffy's house. Two girls ran out of the house to greet me. One had short, white blonde hair, and the other had elbow length red hair. The blonde had brown eyes, and the red head had green ones that sparkled with mischief. They ran up to me. "Hi!" the two girls chorused. I grinned at them. "Hi. In Audery." "Im Rachel, and this is Lea." said the red head. She had on a black tank top and ripped jeans, while Lea had a pink shirt and yellow capris. I could already guess Rachel got into trouble a lot. They dragged me inside, yelling, "Mom! Audrey's here!" Lea skipped off to find Aunt Taffy, while Rachel vanished into a room and ran back out with a small black box. "This is for you, from me and Lea," she said. I opened the box to find a pretty bracelet and matching earring. It was pink and black. I put it on at once. Suddenly, Lea ran in with Aunt Taffy behind her. Aunt Taffy was tiny, her hair was blonde like Lea's, and she had a cheerful smile. "Hi Audery! I'm about to cook dinner, so why don't the girls show you your room?" Before I could answer, Rachel had run off and Lea was dragging me toward my new room. It was painted a nice shade of blue, the bed was a four poster, and a green rug lay on the floor, and a dog was sitting on it. It barked. "This is Angel. It's a present for you, Audrey," said Lea, beaming at me. I smiled. Angel was a beautiful german Shepard with silky brown-black fur. She thumped her tail on the ground when I petted her. I heard a chirp, and I see a canary sitting on Lea's finger. Rachel had a black cat in her arms. "This is my cat Midnight, and Lea's bird is Sunny," said Rachel. "Mom says you should unpack," said Lea. "Then we tour the house." After I unpacked and had dinner, Rachel and Lea dragged me all over their mansion. Rachel's room was done in black, and she had punk posters everywhere. Lea didn't really like the room. Hers was bright pink, and it had a little desk. According to Lea, Rachel did her homework on the floor. Aunt Taffy's room was gigantic. There was a king bed, a walk in closet the size of the bathroom, and a hot tub. In another room, there was an indoor pool and a bunch of small hot tubs. On another floor, there was a ballroom and a sitting room, then there was a party room on a different level. There was much more, but we didn't get to see it all. Around 9:00 the two girls and I gathered in my room, along with Angel. "So," I asked them "How old are you guys?" "Were 13," said Lea. "Were twins," added Rachel. "Could have fooled me. You guys look NOTHING alike!" I exclaimed. With that note, we went to bed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never. Use. Emoticons. I'm fucking appalled at FF. Why, in the world, is no one giving much-needed advice to people? Why?! My advice to you. Don't get butthurt and go 'NO ONE IS READING IMMA QUIT BLUH'. Because if you do that, they definitely won't read just to give you attention. If they're not reading, they're most likely not interested in your story. In this case you should obviously re-read and check grammatical mistakes and whatnot. People don't like too much cliche, and if it's going to be sappy with random characters thrown in here and there with random introductions, then this story's fate is sealed. Good luck! :
I woke up the next morning in my new plush four poster with Angel on my feet. "Oww. Angel!" I scold playfully. I then get up, pull on a "Hug Me" pink shirt, and black jeans. I then text Jake. Texts Me: Hey Jakey. I misses u! Jake: Hi Audy! I misses u too. How is Cali? Me: Pretty good, I guess. Aunt Taffy's house is HUGE! Jake: Cool. Can I come visit soon? Me: please do! Uh oh, gtg get to school! Ttyl! <3 Jake: bye! <3 After that, I get my backpack an binder and follow Lea and Rachel down to breakfast. Angel follows me all around, and she eats my bacon scraps at breakfast. When we get to school, Angel stays with me. I am surprised but, I decide not to comment. At school, Lea and Rachel run off to their class, and I'm all alone. I walk to the office, sign in, and find the locker they gave me. It right next to a pink glittery one. I roll my eyes at it. I open my locker, put my stuff in, and close it, Angel at my heels. I hear giggling, and I look over at the link locker to see a bunch of cheerleaders. They are looking at Angel and petting her. I smile at them, ad they from back. The leader steps forward. "Hi! I'm, like, Amanda!" she says in a cheery voice. The other 6 cheerleaders introduce themselves. There is a shy one called Rebecca, her sister Ashley, a kinda dumb one called Deliah, Amanda and her BFF, Crystal. Just then another girl walks up to the other side of my locker. The cheerleader recoil. Her locker is black, and the cheerleaders start to whisper and gossip. The girl's long black hair is braided down her back, she has a black tank top with a skull on it, black leggings and tall black boots. "That's Raven," Amanda whispers to me. "She is the school vamp." I understand when the girl turns around to face me. She has blood red eyes, a pale face, black lipstick and black eye shadow. Her eyes were narrowed at she was glaring at the cheerleaders. Raven opened her mouth to say something, and I glimpsed sharp fangs. "Well?" she hissed. "Aren't you going to RUN AWAY? Amanda and her friends scattered in panic, but I stood my ground. "Who are you?" asked Raven. "Audery," I replied. "I'm a mermaid." Raven bared her fangs into a smile. "Well, I always knew I wasn't the only magical one around here!" she said, the whistled, a soft sound that I could only imagine black smoke coming through her mouth. At her call, a bunch of Goth kids appeared. I could tell they were human, because, they had black eyes and normal teeth. "This is Victory," said Raven, pointing to a tall girl. "That is Ace and Mike," she continued, waving her hand in the direction of two boys. "The triplets, Amber, Lydia, and V." The girls nodded at me. "I'm Frank," said another boy, coming up. He had jet black hair that fell into his eyes, and he kept looking at Raven. I could tell she was trying hard to ignore him. Just then, the bell rang. "Time for class," Raven sang out, and I followed her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In class, I am introduced, and Ms. Getter, my math teacher, points to a seat next to a boy. He is kinda cute, but Jake is WAAAY hotter. "Hey," he nudges me. "I'm Percy," he says. I wave quietly and then turn back to the lesson. "I just moved here," I whisper. Percy nods. "I came here last year," he replied. All of a sudden, a snobby girl sang out "Percy and Audery, sitting in math, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" On the good side, she stopped singing. On the downside, we a got detention. After class, Percy headed to science while I went to art. I was glad to see Raven in art with me, along with Crystal, Rebecca, and Ashley. I groan inwardly. Of course, as soon as the class was allowed to work on some art project, the cheerleaders started gossiping. "OMG," said Rebecca. "Is it just me, or is she sitting with RAVEN?" Ashely nodded, and Crystal just texted. When the teacher came around, she hurriedly put her phone down and started drawing. My phone buzzed, and I saw that Jake sent me a text. Jake: Hi Audery Me: Hey Jakey! Is something wrong? Jake:..... Me: Spit it out Jake! Jake: erm... Me: -.- Jake: Err...well....Isabella asked me out, and since I thought you were far away in a school filled with cute guys, I said yes. I have to go now! Ttyl Audery! I didn't even respond to the last text. How could he? Jake is so, so..UGH!! In spite of myself, I could feel tears, so I asked the art teacher if I could go to the bathroom. When she said yes, I ran. When I got to the bathroom, I realized that Amanda, Crystal, Deliah were there. I had just seen another girl walk out, her face red. "That was the fifth time Tiffany asked to be a cheerleader!" I heard Amanda say. In class, I am introduced, and Ms. Getter, my math teacher, points to a seat next to a boy. He is kinda cute, but Jake is WAAAY hotter. "Hey," he nudges me. "I'm Percy," he says. I wave quietly and then turn back to the lesson. "I just moved here," I whisper. Percy nods. "I came here last year," he replied. All of a sudden, a snobby girl sang out "Percy and Audery, sitting in math, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" On the good side, she stopped singing. On the downside, we a got detention. After class, Percy headed to science while I went to art. I was glad to see Raven in art with me, along with Crystal, Rebecca, and Ashley. I groan inwardly. Of course, as soon as the class was allowed to work on some art project, the cheerleaders started gossiping. "OMG," said Rebecca. "Is it just me, or is she sitting with RAVEN?" Ashely nodded, and Crystal just texted. When the teacher came around, she hurriedly put her phone down and started drawing. My phone buzzed, and I saw that Jake sent me a text. Jake: Hi Audery Me: Hey Jakey! Is something wrong? Jake:..... Me: Spit it out Jake! Jake: erm... Me: -.- Jake: Err...well....Isabella asked me out, and since I thought you were far away in a school filled with cute guys, I said yes. I have to go now! Ttyl Audery! I didn't even respond to the last text. How could he? Jake is so, so..UGH!! In spite of myself, I could feel tears, so I asked the art teacher if I could go to the bathroom. When she said yes, I ran. When I got to the bathroom, I realized that Amanda, Crystal, Deliah were there. I had just seen another girl walk out, her face red. "That was the fifth time Tiffany asked to be a cheerleader!" I hear Amanda say. "IKR!" squealed Deliah. Crystal nodded. "Aud!" said Amanda, like she just saw me. "Can you meet us at the football field at 5? K, thanks!" and with that, the trio skipped away.
Ideas please! Should I let Audery into the cheerleading team or not? And please tell me how you feel about the breakup!
It's really good! I think you would let Audrey be a cheerleader and then somthing bad could happen about jake or somthing and it could get even worse for Audrey's relationships...
At the field, I headed towards the cheerleaders. "Hi!" said Amanda. I waved at her. She smiled. "Let's get down to business. Audery, show us what you've got!" said Amanda. I impressed the girls with a series of flips, cartwheels, kicks, and cheers. Then, I noticed I had not only impressed the cheerleaders, even the football players came to watch. Hmm....some of them were actually cute! "That was great!" Crystal said. "Audery, since you are now a cheerleader, this is your uniform," said Amanda, handing it to me. It was red and gold, the school colors. "Aud, run along to the bathrooms and put it on." she instructed. I did. When I came out, I noticed the football players staring at me. I blew them a kiss. Hey, when you're single, why not mess with their minds a bit? They scattered. Thought so. I walked towards the cheerleaders. "You look great!" squealed Deliah. I smiled. "Thanks!" Amanda said, "Let's get started! Rebecca, Ashely,Crystal, go show Audery some stunts. The rest of you, practice your cheers!" The 3 girls went to me as commanded. "Ok Aud. First, we will make a base. Amanda is sure you will be an excellent flyer," said Crystal. After I had mastered that, I found myself doing stunts with ease. I saw Amanda watching me from far away. Suddenly, a girl sashayed onto the field. "Well, who is this munchkin?" she asked Amanda, pointing to me. "That munchkin has a name," I said before I could stop myself. The girl glared at me. "And the munchkin's name is?" "Audery," I answered. "This is Lola," said Deliah. "She's my best friend!" Well, I guess Deliah is a bit dense. "Yeah, totes," drawled Lola. "Anyways, Tiff and I were talking, and she mentioned that you refuse to let her on the team, and instead, you allow the midget." as continued, watching our faces closely for the reaction. I just raised my eyebrows. "And since when were you and Tiffany friends?" asked Amanda Lola snorted. "I know her better than any of you," she said, and sashayed away. Then she turned around. "If any of you gigglers even THINK about my boyfriend, Mike, you are dead meat." Then, Lola flashed a smile in someone's direction, I guess it was Mike. Then he turned around, and my heart stopped. He was gorgeous. With wavy brown hair, and hypnotizing brown eyes, Mike made me feel like I was melting straight down to my toes. He caught me staring and I blushed. And that's when I saw that the rest of the cheerleaders were staring at him too. And my heart stopped again. Did he just wink at me?
Separate it into paragraphs I'm having enough trouble trying to read a school life drama of a teen mermaid as it is