Joke: I just changed my Facebook name to "no one" so when I see a stupid posts, I can like it and it'll say "no one likes it"
What is the Common thing in Cricket and Toilet sheet? Ans-Both places there is DHONi(Dhoni is a cricketer and it also means cleaning)
Son: Dad I'm hungry :cry: Dad: Hi hungry! Son: Dad, I'm serious. :roll: Dad: I thought you were hungry? Son: are you kidding!? Dad: No, I'm Dad. :lol: :lol: I'm out
President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!" Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of 9/11, impostors, forgers, money laundering, and bad mortgage underwriting not to mention requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID." Obama: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am." Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Obama: "I am urging you, please, to cash this check. I need to buy a gift for Michelle for Valentine’s Day" Cashier: "Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into one of our bank branches without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a coffee cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.” “Another time, Andre Agassi came into the same place without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made afabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in a coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?" Obama: Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don’t have a clue.” Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
Sorry everyone, meant the giveaway to be in two days, not three. That being said, the winner will be chosen on the 17th at 9 PST (so in 35ish hours).
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middleof the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, buthis dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad f****** with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized somethingand thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, andthe future is full of sh*t!"
Type your first name followed by " glamour shots " and then Google it and enjoy the fun ? lemme know if I won ?
A wife goes out for a night on the town with the girls, telling her husband she'll be home around midnight. Midnight passes by, drinks are flowing,the girls are laughing and having a great time. At around 2:45 in the morning, drunk as hell, she finally gets a cab and makes her way back home. She gets to the front door and ever-so-gently nudges it open, not making a sound. she takes her shoes off, again not making a sound. Knowing her husband will give her hell for coming home so late and drunk, she's quite proud of herself for being so stealthy. Just then, the cuckoo clock in the hallway goes off, cuckooing 3 times signaling the late hour. Realizing he might wake up, she decides to cuckoo another 9 times. She smiles to herself, proud that she came up with such a clever solution on the spot. He'd never know the difference! That next morning during breakfast, the husband looked at his wife, who was obviously hungover, and asked, "So....what time did you get in last night?" "Oh, right around midnight, just like I said," she replied. The husband didn't seem disturbed at all. Her plan had worked! "Well," he said, "I think we need a new cuckoo clock." "Why do you say that?" She asked. "Because last night, the one we have cuckooed 3 times, then said 'oh sh*t' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared his throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
Me: Mom I'm hungry Mom: Make a sandwich Me: I don't want a sandwhich Mom: Then you're not hungry Me: :cry: