Jokes

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Entity_Of-The_Beast

New Member
Hope you enjoy these great jokes


1. A guy broke into my house and all he took was my TV remote. Now he always drives by and changes the channels. Sick jerk.

2. Dear 12 year olds on Facebook, how are you in a complicated relationship? Did they steal your cookies?

3. "I wasn't that drunk..." "Dude, you were in my bathroom begging my sponge for the krabby patty formula."

4. Me: "Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Hell, who am I kidding, I hope you fall down the god damn stairs too!"

5. *Boy pulls down his pants* Boy: "Meet my lil' bro." *Girl picks up her bag* Girl: "Call me when he grows up."

6. *1 new text message* Friend: "Hi" Me: "Hey" Friend: "Are you awake?" Me: "No, I taught myself how to text in my sleep."

7. Teacher: "Do you know what comes after 69?" Boy: "Mouthwash." Teacher: "Get out of class!"

8. In order to get your driver's license, you should be required to complete rainbow road on Mario Kart without falling off once. Cool right?

9. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Police: "You're under arrest. Get in the basket."

10. Microsoft bought Skype for 8.5 billion dollars. LOL idiots! They could have downloaded it for free!

11. Katy Perry = blue hair. Nicki Minaj = pink hair. Rihanna = red hair. Lady Gaga = green hair. Oh my God, the power rangers are back!

12. When I die, I want my tombstone to offer free Wifi, just so people will visit more often.

13. Once upon a time I smashed my face into my keyboard and accidentally wrote the 5th Twilight book.

14. Police: "What's your emergency?" Me: "2 girls are fighting over me!" Police: "So what's the problem sir?" Me: "The ugly one is winning!"

15. Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad, I'll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.

16. The awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock down 2 lamps, and kill a cat.
 
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".
 
A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"
 
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