Jellybeans and Jelly-knees

Who's ready for the update?! I literally just finished it and I didn't even think I was going to finish it, you know? I got so super depressed and then, in the middle of my depression, I realized it would be the perfect[/] time to write this heartbreaking chapter. Now, I'm happy, so, it's good. Writing is good. And good is good.

Okay, so ready for the update, hmm? Total Ashther moments here! Like, wonderful. And then there's this pinch of Keith who, being who he is, acts like a lovable moron.

Enough, chit-chat, let's read!
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Chapter 14

“No, he can’t be, he’s a freaking Gateley,” I tell her, taking long strides to get to her. “No one except your dad has died from anything but natural causes. And he’s Ryan, Jenny. Ryan doesn’t just die on us. On me. He just…” I trail off, ready to fall to the ground. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not my Ryan. He’s only twelve. He’s my Ry-Ry.

“Heather,” I hear, but the voice is distant. It’s like I can’t even hear them; like I’m not ever here. I slip out of my heels, my eyesight blurred, and I head for the stairs. I can’t look at my family. I can’t see my family look at me with pity, with sorrow, with all those feelings that I just can’t see.

“Heather,” I hear again, but it’s a new voice. It’s Keith. Or is it Jasper? Is it James? I just know it’s male and I can’t even bother to look back at them. There’s only one guy I need right now. Ash is who I need. Because he knows what happened perfectly, he was there, and he knows why I need him right now.

“I have to call Ash,” I choke out, blinking so I can see and I hurry up the stairs. I fumble at my door, my hand slipping from the knob once, twice, three times before I actually grip it and open door. I stumble into my room and slam the door, locking it before I grab my phone. I scroll through my contacts and I press his number.

“Heather?” he asks, concern filling his voice as he hears the sob through the phone. “Heather, what’s wrong?” He is just too perfect. He knows that something’s wrong from the sound of my sobs. Is it wrong to say that I love him? Because I seriously do.

“Ry,” I cry, “is ー he’s…” I can’t even finish without bursting into a wave of fears. “He’s dead,” I whisper, bawling. I wonder how he’ll take it since he was the sober one in the accident.

“Do you need me to come over and help you? No, I’m coming over right now. I’m grabbing a giant jar of jellybeans that I’ve stashed for this reason. Keep talking to me, Heather. I don’t want to lose you right now.”

“He’s gone, Ashy, gone. I don’t even know what to do,” I sob.

“Heather, honey, it’ll be okay. Look, I’m in the car. I’ll be over in five minutes. Do you think you’ll be okay while I’m not talking to you?” Will I be okay? I’m not even sure anymore.

“I don’t know,” I sniff. “Can you come by the balcony? I just,” I pause, look back at the door as I hear a banging on it. “Go away,” I yell. “I’m talking to Ash and I’m not talking to anyone else! Get out!”

“Heather,” I hear Keith yell through the door, “open this door!”

“Never! I’m not ready to talk to anyone but Ash, okay?” I call back to him.

“Heather, I’m going to be there in three minutes. I climb up the tree and enter through the balcony. I guess family is there?”

“Yeah, um, they were expecting James to propose. But that’s beyond the point. Please, hurry. I’ll see you then.” I end the call and yell to Keith, “Now, tell everyone to leave me alone!” Gosh, I told him that James was going to propose. How stupid was that? I shouldn’t have told him. I really need to tell Mom and Dad I love Ash, not James.

“I hope you told him you love him,” he yells back and I hear his steps bound away. Bastard. The hell is wrong with him? And did Jasper tell him? That little shit. I am just so glad that I hung up before Keith blurted that out. What is wrong with all the guys in my life? One is deeply in love with me, another is an obscene moron, a third is my nerdy little brother, a fourth just freaking died on me, and my best friend is so thick he obviously can’t realize that I’m falling more and more in love with him with each conversation.

“Ugh,” I sigh and fall onto my bed. My tears have stopped after thinking that. It kinda pisses me off. These guys think they are making things better, but really, they are making things worse.

I hear a knock on my balcony doors and I jump out of my bed ー literally. I fall onto the floor and I sit up to see Ash, worried and carrying a jar of jellybeans, just like he told me. How he managed to carry it while climbing up the tree next to my little, makeshift balcony, I don’t know. But at least he’s here. I don’t really want the bloody jellybeans. That’s a first. Maybe I’m mourning too much to even care that they are in his arms. Or maybe it’s the fact that Ash is right there, like my very own Prince Charming, ready to sweep me into his arms a brush the tears away. I am going way too far with this “falling in love with Ash” thing.

“Hey,” he whispers as I open the door, stepping in to set the jellybeans down before enveloping me in a hug. I fall limp in his arms and he picks me up bridal style ー swoon ー and sits down on my bed, holding me close. I bawl in his arms as he strokes my hair, as he whispers soothing words into my ear, as he tells me everything will be alright. Hearing these words from Ash, I think I can believe them, but it’s hard. I’m not very sure. I feel myself go practically numb, the tears stop falling, and all I can do is stare straight ahead.

“Heather,” he whispers, his lips meeting my forehead. “Heather, they called my house and told me they pulled the plug, that it had been over a year and that it was time to let him go. He wasn’t going to recover, ever, Heather.”

“Don’t say that,” I hear myself reply, my voice cracking. “He’s Ryan Gateley, he will ー would have ー made it through, Ashy. Right?”

“Heather, they put him in a coma for a reason. When they tried to bring him back out, he wouldn’t budge. He wouldn’t have come out of the coma anyway, Heather. He wasn’t strong enough to pull himself out of it. I’m sorry.”

“No,” I whisper. “He was Ryan Gateley.”

“Heather, you need to let go. Have some jellybeans.”

“I don’t want any jellybeans, Asher!” I scream, both of us flinching. “I just want Ryan back!” I rip myself from his grip and stand, ager pulsing through my body. Those doctors are total bullshitters. They told me he’d be okay. He told me that he would pull through. They told me everything would work out and he’d be alive. But that’s not happening. “Ryan was supposed to pull through! They told me so! They knew, they knew he wouldn’t make it and they lied to me, they lied to me. Do you know how hard it is to be lied to like that, when someone you love is dying and all they can tell me is they he will live, and that ends up to be total bullshit! I am sick of these lies! Mom and Dad lied to me. Everyone lied to me, Ash, everyone has lied to me! This wasn’t supposed to happen, Ash. It wasn’t!”

“Heather, sweetheart, calm down.”

“Don’t tell a girl to calm down, Asher. It could result in a blood bath!” I stop and grab a photograph in a frame, a picture of James and I we were fifteen, smiling as he held me in his arms before we went to Homecoming together. I throw the door to the balcony open and I hurl the frame outside in complete anger. It’s not his fault. No, it is, for giving me false hope just like everyone else did. And you know what, I’m getting really, really tired from this ranting and crying and I just went on a date an hour ago. I’m getting really tired of this.

“Heather, come here,” Ash croons, holding his arms out to me. I walk to him and fall onto his lap, resting my head on his chest as he wraps his arms around me.

“What is happening to me, Ash?” I whisper, every bit of fear pouring into my voice.

“You need to sleep. Go change in your bathroom, I’ll stay out here and wait so I can tuck you in, okay?”

“Okay,” I nod, standing from his embrace. I kiss his cheek and I grab my pajamas, a tank top and some pajama bottoms, before entering my bathroom. I slip out of my dress, which I completely forgot I wearing, and I look at myself in the mirror. My makeup makes me look like some depressed clown, it’s that horribly messed up. I wash my face before I change into my pajamas, walking out with my dress in my arms. Ash takes it from me, places it on my desk chair, and takes my hand, guiding me to my bed.

“Go to sleep, okay? I’ll be back in the morning to check up on you. I’ll leave the jellybeans here for you so you can indulge yourself with them tomorrow,” he tells me as he tucks me in. He moves to leave, but I stop him by taking his hand, pulling him towards me.

“Stay with me? Just for tonight?” I ask, looking up at him with sad eyes. He gives me a sad grin and nods, taking the dress off my chair to place it on my desk neatly. He moves the chair next to me and sits down holding my hand.

“Just for tonight. In the morning, I’ll have to go, though, okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper in response, intertwining our fingers. He moves our hands up and kisses my hand before letting it rest at my side again. “Ash?”

“Hmm?”

“I never wanted anyone to die. I just want everything to go right for once, you know?”

“I know, princess,” he whispers, and those are the last words I remember before I fall into a dreamless sleep.
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I DID NOT PROOFREAD! Just gonna put that out there.

Aren't they just adorable?! Like, ohmaigosh I can't even. They are just so... *squee* I love them together so much. But that doesn't mean they will end up together. 

But, really, they do not compare with Jeather. Seriously. There have not been enough Jeather moments, but really, Ashther is so perfect I could die.

So, who liked the part where I almost had it slip to Ash that Heather loved him? And this time she would be sober! But, nope, I'm cruel just like Uncle Rick, and that's Rick Riordan, and no, I'm not related to him, though I wish.

Speaking, of Rick, ONE MONTH UNTIL HOUSE OF HADES COMES OUT! I can't stop freaking out over this! Seriously, PERCABETH ARE/IS (I'm not sure about that because it's a couple name and not their real names... Most likely are because there are two people in that... Anywho...) STILL IN TARTARUS! I REALLY HOPE THEY DON'T DIE, BECAUSE IF THEY DO I AM GOING TO MARCH UP TO RICK AND MAKE THEM LIVE! Sorry, but seriously, all my excitement for this book cannot be explained. I've waited a whole year for the book to come out and it's almost here!

It's almost as big as Catching Fire...but it's nothing compared to Catching Fire.

So, that's my chapter's author's note.

Keep being amazing, EVERYONE! I love you all, especially all of you!

Love ya, lovies!

~Shana Alana

 

Told you I did not proofread. *bashes head into the closet door* That was a horrible BB code fail. Ignore everything in italics before "Ryan, Jenny" and after "perfect" in the before author's note. Please do. Complete mistake. I was too excited to even look that over. But I updated! 

 

I have news. It kinda has to do with the update, because I'm working on it and the first half is really, really sad. And it has a song incorporated into it that I want you all to look up. It's called "My Immortal" by Evanescence and it's so amazing! It's sad and it might make you cry because it made me cry the first time I heard it and it constantly did and it still does every once in a while. If you cry while listening to it, I'm sorry, but after you listen to it so long, it doesn't completely sound the same. At least, not to me. It's about death, like loss of a loved one or friend or something of the like. So, it really fits with the last chapter an the beginning half of this upcoming one.

Okay, so yeah. I'm actually listening to it on repeat right now because it's really beautiful. It's wonderfully composed and if you listen to the words and you've lost someone close like I have and probably everyone has, then you'll understand the lyrics.

Okay, so listen to the song! I'll update Saturday or Sunday, as usual.

Love ya lovies, and please don't cry too much if you listen to the song.

~Shana Alana

 

Updating! I'm changing my update schedule to Sundays only because on Friday nights and Saturdays, I really don't want to write at all. And then on Sundays, I realize that I probably should write and update. So, yeah, Sundays only!

Now, here is this update.
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Chapter 15

I wipe away tears, the words from an old song flooding my mind. When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears. If you screamed, I’d fight away all of your fears. I held your hand through of these years. You still have…all of me. I swallow as I remember the words to the sad song. I remember Jenny introducing me to that song when I was little. It’s the perfect song for me right now.

I’m mourning over Ryan’s death. Just saying or thinking his name makes me wince. I haven’t left my house voluntarily in weeks, ever since I heard about his death. I went to his funeral, but no one cried. Well, I think no one cried because I was the loudest person there, bawling as Ash gripped me into his chest to try to muffle the heartbreaking sobs. He’s really the only one who actually was there for me.

Four weeks ago, when I first heard about Ryan’s death, that morning after I heard about the tragic scene, Ash wasn’t there. But he left me a note saying to call him if I wasn’t feeling up to it to go to the tree house. And I did. And when I did, he came right over and cried with me. Now, he’s a boy ー erm, man, sexy beast, whatever ー so when he cried, silent tears poured down his cheeks and he held me close. I could hear his heart beating at the same pace as mine, sometimes picking up when we took giant breathes or when we tried to stop, and yet the tears were unstoppable, and sometimes slowing down as the sobs did.

I introduced Ash to this song. He told me this could be Ryan’s song, so whenever we felt sad and we missed him, all we had to do was play it and it would remind us he’s still here with us. It would remind us that he wouldn’t want us to grieve more than we needed. That, really, no matter what, he was in our hearts, that he was always watching over us, and that he would have been happy, and if he had woken up, he wouldn’t have because he wouldn’t be able to walk and he loved football so much.

Of course, Ash has been here every day. He’s talking to me and trying to get me to break out of this shell of depression. I constantly rub on my “Jelly Girl” necklace that I haven’t taken off in months. Has it been months or just one? No, it’s been months, I’m sure of it.

Today, I’m still sitting in my room, but my eyes aren’t puffy and red, my nose isn’t a cherry, and I’ve yet to start going through the tissues that my mother brought up. So, I guess today is a good day. I’m not totally sure yet because it could take a huge, huge turn for the worse. But that’s my family. Always taking bad turns.

“Heather, let’s go down stairs and watch some television. It can get you out of your room” Ash tries, smiling at me. I whine automatically, taking his hand.

“Can’t we just lie in bed together and talk or sleep?” I ask, a blush slowly creeping onto my face as I remember stories that Jenny told me of her past, when she was dating Justin and her parents thought they slept together. This would be the exact thing they did in her bedroom. I just hope my parents don’t suspect the same thing.

“No, Heather, it’s been a month. Ryan–”

“Don’t say his name,” I practically scream. He holds his hands up in defeat, nodding at me.

“Okay, but I know he wouldn’t want you to stay in here for any longer. Please, Heather, princess?” Princess is a new nickname, but I really, really love it. If only we were together. I’ve been dropping hints that I’m in love with Ash for the whole month I’ve been in the house. Hopefully, they’ve gotten the hint. I’ve even said, and I quote, “Ash is so gorgeous,” “Ash is the best guy in the world and any girl would be lucky to have him,” and, “I really, really like Ash’s hair, body, and eyes.” It’s not that vague. All I have to do is blurt out that I’m in love with Ash if they don’t get it. But, really, how could they not?

“Fine, only for you, Prince Charming,” I tell him, teasing him with the new nickname because he just insists on calling me princess. It’s not that I mind ー I love it to no end ー but Ash really is my Prince Charming. Now only if he could see that I love him.

“That’s my girl, now come on,” he smiles, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I place my arm around his waist and I really wish that we were a couple, though it’s not like we don’t do this in public already. I’d just feel better to know that we’re actually a couple.

We walk down the stairs together and I stop in my tracks when I see the one person who could just mess this thing us right now. James. It’s not that I don’t like him or anything; it’s just that he’s in love with me. And I’m in love with Ash and sadly, I don’t even know if he feels the same way. And there’s this contract in the way and the fact that Macy still won’t answer Jasper, which is so sad. I really want to get them together and force them to kiss. It would be so much easier than having to wait.

“James, hey,” I tell him after Ash and him greet each other. I think my day’s about to take that turn for the worse.

“Hey, Heather, I see that you are feeling better,” he grins and I nod, looking between them both. I really hate this. Is it just me or is this a love triangle, literally? Ash is standing to my right and James is sort of in front of me. And it’s looks like a triangle.

“Yeah, how are Macy and you?”

“We’re good. Did you hear that she finally said yes to Jasper?”

“Took them long enough to fall in love” I laugh. “Well, at least date. I’m not so sure about that falling in love thing.”

“Yeah, well, I have something to ask you.”

“What is it?”

He quickly gets down on one knee and opens the box I hadn’t realized was in his hand. “Will you marry me?”

Knew it.

“James,” I say in warning, looking over at Ash. He has a look of shock, a frown slowly taking over his face. He doesn’t want me to. He knows, somehow, he knows I’m not in love with James. I really, really have no idea how. But however he knows, I’m just glad he does.

“Heather, please, think about it. We’ve been together for five years. You and I both know that’s great. Please, we can have a family and we will be okay.”

“Heather, Ash do you want – oh,” I hear from my mother. “What’s going on, guys? Hello, James. Are you– Is he proposing?”

“Um, I think so,” I answer, earning a snort from James.

“Of course I am,” he tells my mother and she runs to grab my father and brother. No. Bad, bad idea, James. I watch my family walk into the room, causing me to flush massively. I don’t need all of them to see, and Ash is off to the side, shaking his head only enough so I can see. He knows I shouldn’t marry James, hell, he might have caught on and realized I’m in love with him. And boy do I want to reject him.

“James,” I repeat as another warning. I look at my family and my mother looks like she’s about to cry. Jasper looks happier than I’ve ever seen him, but he’s still mouthing the words, “Don’t do it. You love Ash, idiot, say no.”

I take offence that he’s calling me an idiot.

“Heather, please,” James pleads, watching.

Everyone is watching me to the point when I want to run and hide. What can I do? I can say yes, but I really, really don’t want to do that. I can say no and tell the truth. I can say no and walk away. I can just walk away. There are many options but only one sounds right, Say no, and then tell them the truth. But how am I going to do that? Am I just going to blurt out that I love Ash? Or should I tell him that I’m sorry but I love someone else then turn my eyes to Ash? That sounds perfect. I’m going to do just that.

“James,” I whisper, taking his hand and helping him stand. I take his hands and frown at him. “James, look this is really, really flattering. But, why now?”

“What are you saying?” he asks me in a scared whisper. Are those tears I see? Is he about to cry? Oh my gosh, he knows I can’t handle tears. I can’t even handle tears of my own. I can’t handle anyone’s tears. I don’t think I can turn him down.

“Just tell me,” I demand, blinking.

“Because I love you with all my heart, Heather, so please, please, make me the happiest guy in the world.” I take a step back and look at my family, my parents nodding as if that will make me change my mind. Jasper is shaking his head frantically, pointing at Ash not so subtly. I’m surprised my parents haven’t caught on by now. I look over at Ash, but he avoids my eyes. He knows. He knows my answer.

“Yes,” I hear myself answer.

I am an idiot.
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DON'T HATE ME! Don't throw anything at me as you riot and mob about this. I know, but hey, it isn't the end yet! You still have five chapters and an extra chapter, which will be Chapter 6, the chapter with drunk and silly Heather! You'll get to see what Ash was going to say because that extra chapter will be in his POV! Gasp!

So, that's pretty much it... Not a whole lot...

Have a great Sunday!

Love ya, lovies!

~Shana Alana

Oh, and I didn't proofread.

 

Oh, Shannon... There will be a wedding, but you have no idea what will go down! 

 

But not what you think. 

 

Don't worry. Chapter, oh, what 18, 19, has a huge part with James, which, yes, is at their wedding, that isn't were she just breaks his heart, trust me. I am definitely not having Heather break anyone's heart, let alone James. I've already written 18 and half of 19, so it's really all planned out for a nice ending.

And, as a complete side note to all my readers, I haven't even written the next chapter yet! I was going to, but then I got side tracked... I will tomorrow because I have the whole chapter planned and all I need to do is write it along with the chapter after that, which is 17, I think. But like I said, I have 18 and part of 19 written out, and an idea for chapter 20. I will have an extra chapter, 6, right? I think I've told you guys all this, but I just want to make sure you do!

So, love ya, lovies! I'ma try to write tomorrow because right now I just can't...

Love ya!

~Shana Alana