Darkness has risen and all that's left are my friends and me. "Nate what the heck! You just crashed the bus into that house", Rick yelled at me. "Shut up Rick! I didn't see where I was going", I said to him. I went inside the house looking for anything that could help us three survive this zombie infected town. "Aren't you sad that Caroline is dead now, Nate? Or are you just happy that you don't have her holding you back now?", Ryan said. I looked at Ryan and punched him in the face "Shut up Ryan! Your just as guilty as me that she is dead, so don't yell at me! Of course I'm sad that Caroline is dead, but our main goal now is to keep our selves alive or we will be turned into zombies!", I yelled at him. I looked inside a closet and found a rifle and some ammo. "Who is good at using guns?", Rick asked. "Not me", Ryan said. I grabbed the rifle and activated the handle and started to work on it and see how it works. "If you don't know how to use it then just leave it", Rick said. I looked at the front door and saw zombies coming our way. I got the rifle ready and started shooting them. One by one they fell but more kept appearing. "Everyone escape through the back door!" I said as I grabbed the ammo and went running throught the back door. Rick and Ryan came running after me, and we were running through the streets when more zombies sorrounded us. "Now what do we do Nate? We are going to die and we are so young", Ryan said, as he started to cried.
You also shouldn't use text language in fanfiction. My Immortal is a great example of bad grammar. If you search it online you will find what not to do when writing fanfic. This is good, though. Keep it up.