The year was 1862, and Hitler had just regained Nazi Australia from Napoleon.
I had been digging trenches in the Red Sea, only stopping to take a drink of the clean salt water every hour or so, when I unearthed a rock from the sea floor, which happened to rip off a chunk of the space-time continuum. Frantically, I searched high and low for something to plug the hole, when I came across Charlie Sheen's drug and Chuck Lorry's ego.
Unable to determine which was bigger, I thrust my Lightsaber in both, spewing tiger blood all over the Red Sea, solidifying its name, and obviously WINNING!
With my time frame quickly running out, I took a deep lung full of salt water, and gave myself CPR, causing myself to spew the water so hard into the rip in space-time that it collapsed itself, thus saving the world from Cthulu.
It was a feat widely believed to be so awesome that even Chuck Norris was in shock, allowing the Internet to overrun and take him once and for all.
Feeling bad for that, I went to his funeral to pay my respects. Though the crowds were so thick of the online world wanting to bask in his glory, I used my magical fire breath to divide the masses and take my seat upon his coffin.
With a throw of my mighty fist, I punched Norris in the heart, immediately restarting it. He sat up, gasping for air, only to slip into a coma due to the heart attack he then suffered when he saw me in all my awesomeness.
Days later, paralyzed from the waste down, he awoke to me visiting him in the hospital. Quickly, we became besties and Chucky gave me his iPhone 8.
I logged on, found PIMD loaded, started it up, and started playing as this account, where I was immediately given Moderator abilities and full reign of PIMD to do as I wish.
And that's my story.
It's mostly true.