Your story is mentioned in my thread 'Readers Paradise'. Warning it's critic review of it. If your sensitive, and don't want to hear my opinion I suggest you to not read it
I'm sorry don't be mad at me, and don't give up. Only losers give up. You do show potential, just keep working on it
no your not, your still learning to write, if you ever need help don't hesitate to ask me. I'd love to help
Second thought, YOU DON'T NEED MY ADVICE BECAUSE I'M TOO ANNOYING TO HELP. Isn't that what you said?
ok that's easy When writing out a story you write words fully. Text talking isn't good for writing stories. Adjectives. Words that describe something. Like when describing a ball. Example: the ball, was a strange color of dusty red, and had a huge spiral of gold down the middle: -- the adjectives of that sentence are strange, dusty, red, huge,spiral, blue. All of those words are describing the way the ball looks.
longer sentences. Instead of saying things such as this: He said hi. She was shy. Then she said hi back to him. You would combine the sentences, such as this. He said hi to her, and she had shyly said hi back. Very simple and easy I hope this helped
Uhm Justin in the beginning your story didn't really make sense. I didn't find your bro because I couldn't find him. ?? Seriously?
After class,Josh and James were going to football practice.The field had white and sky blue bleachers,and there were decorations under it.Coach caught them staring at them,so he said,"Jack and Will decorated it." "They're good decorating coach.It's almost Christmas and my mom hasn't even decorated the house yet!" Coach laughed and said,"Well,I hope your mom gets it done on time." "Maybe she will."Coach walked away and Josh and James looked at each other. "Practice?"James asked. "You got it!"Josh got the football.It was decorated too with sparkles on it that said Football Inc..Josh passed it to James but he didn't catch it.He threw it go Josh and he caught it. "Looks like you need to practice catching!"Josh yelled laughing. "Yes I do."They kept passing it to each other until they were tired. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Come on James!You can do better than that!"Coach yelled at James. "Sorry coach!I'm just feeling weak right now!" "Have you been practicing?"Coach asked nervously. "A little." "Well,you better practice.A lot." "Okay then."James did push-ups with the other football players. "Push-ups,push-ups!Do better than that guys!"Coach yelled carefully. They did push-ups fast but they felt weaker than before. Sorry.I know it's horrible.I just need to practice