"Were are we going," I ask. "We are going back home. To your real home," he said smiling at me. I nod my head knowing he means the other world. "Were at," I ask wanting to know if I was going to somewhere new. "Your favorite," he said still smiling. "The waterfall," I whisper getting excited. I love that waterfall it is amazing! As we fly over the gateway into the world I see the waterfall. I also see a couple monsters up on the top looking down and around them. "CRAP! She knows we're coming we have to go," Zevin said and ducked behind some bushes. To late I can see the things coming over here why didn't he just take me somewhere else? I could see them getting closer and closer by the minute. They were right by the bush now and I was getting scared. I held on to Zevin right afraid they would take me from him.
They were right in front of the bush now looking at us like they could see through the bush. One of them did some signal and they surrounded us. I cried in Zevins shoulder afraid that they would take me to her. "STOP crying child," one of them screams and I look up to see that they weren't even looking at us. "What are they doing," I whisper to Zevin afraid they might tell again. He smiles"They are protecting us from her." "But you said....," "Crap was the key word that brought them to us," he laughed "It's ok everything will be ok." I gape at him. Did he seriously just tell me that this was his plan all along? Gosh he was confusing! He laughs "You don't catch on fast do you? Joking but really what's wrong you have been acting weird lately," he said gazing into my eyes. "Zevin I'm going to get killed and then after that you are going to be with her and she will look like me and and .....," I couldn't finish because I was crying again. "You won't die! I won't let her put a hand on you! I will never be with her as long as I have any choice in it ," he said hugging me. I cried more though. I couldn't help but think I was going to get killed I mean I was wasn't I? Before I could say anything though there were more monsters around us and they didn't look to friendly. %%%%%%%%%%%%% Sorry about the cutoff hoped u liked this though
I started to scream but Zevin put his mouth on my hand and signaled a be quiet sign. I shut up as I watch the monsters battle. So far our guys were losing but Zevin wasn't paying attention to that. I looked to see what he was looking at when I saw her. She was the most hideous thing I have ever seen! She had messed up red hair and reptile skin and lips with hair on them and bushy eyebrows with yellow eyes. I almost vomited at the site of her. She was just so ugly! How could she even think Zevin would date her I mean she needs to look at herself in a mirror sometime. Zevin starts laughing and grabs on to me and flys off. As we were flying he yells"You will never hurt her you disgusting beast! Love always wins!" As far as I could tell we were over my city but I couldn't tell that good. "Here," said Zevin smiling. "Where are we exactly," I ask. "We are at my moms house. She is a healer so she can fix your arm," he said and carried me to the door and rang the doorbell. "Who's there? I'm warning you I have a gun," someone from within the house yelled. "Mom it's ok it's me I need your help," Zevin yells. "Zevin," she yells and we hear running and the door opens. "Oh! Who is this now," she said raising an eyebrow. "Mom this is Madelin but she needs help," he said rushing a little. "Ok bring her in we will introduce ourselves later," she said and walks in. We follow in and he lays me down on the couch and sits beside me. "So what's wrong?" "She has a broken arm and we are running from her because she trying to kill Maddie. We need you to fix it so she can perform magic," Zevin said looking over at me. "Your right she can't perform magic without it I have the perfect spell hold on," she said dashing out of the room. "Are you going to be ok Maddie," he asks me. "My arm is in a lot but I think it will be ok," I said looking at my arm. "It will trust me," he says and takes my hand"When she finds us again we are going to have to be ready okay. She can't find us we are going to have to flee for a while until we find all three clues." I nod my head realizing that was what the clues were for. Just then his mom comes back in "Found it ok let me see your arm." I held out me arm and she looks it over. "Hmmm it looks pretty bad but I think I can fix it," she said as she flipped threw a book she had brought in. "Ahh here it is now Zevin your going to have to let go of her hand if you want it to work right," she said glaring at him. "But..." "But nothing let go!" He looked at me and I nodded my head. "Good okay are you ready?" I nod my head and she starts murmuring something under her breath and waving her hand over my arm. Then she yelled "HEAL!" I screamed in pain. It hurt really bad for the first couple of minutes and I could hear Zevin yelling for me and his mother arguing about helping me and that it would be temporarily. I shook my head around"Wow that shocked me," and laughed. "You got a trouper there son," his mom exclaimed. "I know I do," he said and took my hand again. I blushed and looked at my arm. It looked like brand new! "Thanks for fixing my arm," I said still staring at it. "Aww it was nothing sweetie! Now Zev who is this?" "This is Madelin," he said looking at me. "Ok that tells me so much," she said rolling her eyes "Tell me why your with her and seem to care for her so much?" He sighs and takes her hand and stands up"We will be right back Maddie," and they walk in the other room. I could hear whispering and then I heard "She should be dead!" "Mom stop !" and "Fine I get it!" and then some more whispering and they walk out of the room. "Alright now that that's settled let's eat," she said and walked into the kitchen. Zevin came over to me and sat down by me. He gazed into my eyes but I looked away. "What's wrong?" "What is so important you can't tell her in front of me?" "I couldn't tell her in front of you because she would've freaked out if I told her." "Told her what!" "That I love you," he whispers. I smiled at him. That was the second time he has told me that and I was happy. "I love you to," I whisper back and he kisses me. Oh no what's happening with her where is this relationship going to end? Are they going to get caught by his mom and her to? I don't know find out in the next update
Just then his mom walks in and said"It's ready," and looks at us"Never mind never mind it can wait," and walks back in the other room. He smiles and says"Come on," and helps me up and we walk in the other room. It had food everywhere! There was food of all types and even some from the other world. We sat down at the table and I looked over all the food. Gosh there was so much! His mom came over and said"Ok I know there's a lot of food but I didn't know what you would like so I cooled it all!" I silently giggled and told her that I was ok with whatever. We dived in and when we were finished she just waved her wand and it was all gone. "Alright now Zev I need an explanation about how her is after you again," she said looking over at me. "Of course," he said and started explaining why and how and when and what and she already knew who. After he finished explaining about it she looked back and forth between us and then glared at Zevin. "You know how dangerous it is to continue bargaining with her! You should have let her die to save yourself!" "Mom I couldn't do that and you know why!" "Yes I know but I still don't understand." "Well you don't have to," he said and walked away towards the other room. "You are going to be the death of him! Stay away from him I don't want another son dead because of a girl," she hisses at me and walks off leaving me there gaping. "Hey, I'm sorry about her she doesn't want me to die the way my brother did," someone said wrapping their arms around my neck. I smiled and said"Oh, well you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." "I do though I want to tell you everything possible for know while we are here until she finds us again." "Ok," I said leaning my head back so I could see him. "Well my brother was absolutely in love with this girl and would have done anything for her. He protected her and would never let anything touch her. Well one day they were walking and her wanted him so she tried to get rid of the girl but he was already slaying the monsters she sent off. Just when he thought he had them all a huge one jumped out and attacked them and they were both instantly dead. That's why her is after me now," he said looking down. "I'm so sorry that must have been horrible for y'all!" "It was and still is but it will be ok." "Good," I said looking at him and could see the sadness in his eyes. "Come on let's go back in there and sit down," he said pointing back to the other room. I nodded my head and followed him in there and sat down by him. There was a awkward silence for a while until Zevin spoke up. "I'm sorry we didn't go to the waterfall Maddie," he said looking at me. "That's ok it's not my biggest worry right now," I said smiling at him. "Ok good now you two have got to learn to stop that nonsense talking and observe things like me," I look over to see his mom going off."Great just great," I thought. I looked around and noticed what she ment"It's caving in," I whisper. "That's right it is now come on we all need to get out of here!" We all teleported out except for one problem: I couldn't teleport! They were out already and I was screaming and crying for them to help me. I fell on the floor and started coughing and sputtering with dust flying all around me. I faced the fact that I was going to die and closed my eyes. When I opened them again two seconds later a big piece of the roof was falling right above me. I screamed as loud as possible hoping someone would hear me. I could hear an evil laugh saying"You will never save her you brat just let her die and come love me!" "NEVER," someone screamed and the piece of roof stopped in midair and rolled out of the way afraid it was going to fall still. Someone picked me up and the next thing I knew we were outside. It didn't look like the front yard of the house though. "What the......," I started mumbling but didn't finish. "Finally you are up! I thought that we were going to have to put a spell on you! Well if your hungry come over here," I hear someone say but can't see them. I blink my eyes a couple times and see that it was Zevin talking and his mom was right beside him. I sat up and rubbed my eyes to find there was dirt all over me. I started coughing again and used a spell to get it off and fix my hair back into its waves. I looked around and could only see trees for miles but could hear water. "Where are we," I ask. "We are a little ways from the waterfall," he answers smiling. "Really," I exclaimed smiling. He laughs"Yes really!" "I want to go see it!" "Not yet there are monsters working for her right beside it." "Oh," I frowned. "Thats ok though we will see it later when they're gone," he said looking at me. "Ok that's fine," I said and layed back down. "What's wrong?" "Nothing I'm just a little tired that's all," I said closing my eyes. "I bet you were only out for like nine hours," he said rolling his eyes. "I wasn't out I was awake but couldn't open my eyes!" "Sure you were." "I was!" "Ok whatever," he said and I ran over and tackled him and we burst out laughing. "I was," I said between laughs. "Ok ok I believe you!" We started laughing again and I went back over and layed down again. "Were not," he whispers. "Shut up," I laugh. I closed my eyes and imagined getting away from her alive and not having to deal with her anymore. What a good dream that was but all dreams have to end. ========================= What does she mean all dreams have to end? Why doesn't his mom like her? Will the monsters find them? Find out in the next update hope you enjoyed this one
I woke up to thee sound of birds. Great the perfect dream over. I sat up and looked to see the sun was rising. "Beautiful isn't it?" I jumped and looked beside me and it was his mom. I nodded my head watching the sun go up. "I'm sorry for yelling at you like that I just didn't want him to end up like Hunter," she said a tear rolling down her cheek. "It's ok I completely understand," I said turning to look at her. "I know you do you are a very bright girl you know!" "Thank you I didn't know that actually," I said now confused. I didn't think I was smart because I wasn't was I? "Well now you do," she said smiling at me. I smiled back and looked at the sun. "What are you two doing up so early?" I turned around to Zevin walking out of the woods with some branches in his hand. He sat them down and built a fire. "So you saw the sunset," he asked looking at me. I nodded my head. "I love watching the sunset I saw it from back there," he said smiling. "It's the first time I've seen it," I whispered not wanting to be heard. "What!?!? You can't have not seen it before now!" I just nodded my head and looked at the ground. "Well them we will have to watch it go down tonight to then huh," he said walking away from the finished fire and putting some spell on it. "I guess if you want to," I said shrugging my shoulders. "Then it's final! We are going to watch the sun go down tonight!" I laughed at him because he was jumping around like a complete lunatic. "How long are we going to have to stay here?" "As long as we can," he said looking towards the sound of the waterfall. I looked over there to noticing there was no monsters. "Tonight we can go to the waterfall. I know the perfect spot to watch the sun go down," he said looking at me. "Ok sounds like fun," I said looking away from him towards the waterfall were I longed to go. He smiled and looked at the waterfall. "Now that you to are done planning your date we need to cook some food," his mom said pulling some food off a bush and putting them in a pan. Once she was done cooking the food and we had ate we went exploring. We didn't see much though so we headed back towards camp. When we got back at camp I sat as quickly as I could. Zevin was laughing at me but I didn't care. I layed down and sighed finally getting to take a break. "You ready to go to the waterfall?" "Sure why not," I said getting up. Zevin started walking and I followed him wondering were we're going. He walks to the edge of a cliff and there was a little ledge below it. He climbed down onto it and held out his hand to help me. I grabbed it and slowly landed on the ledge. We sat on the edge and hung out feet off of the side. We talked a little about what we thought about different things and we joked around a little bit. "Look! Here it goes," I scream as the sun lowers. "It is just as amazing as the one this morning huh?" "More," I said watching it make the sky pink and orange. It was about halfway over the sky and it seemed to freeze there. I looked at it and noticed it was going down but just not as fast. "Madelin,"he said and I look over at him. "Yea," I said wondering what was wrong. He leans in and kisses me. I thought"Best night ever," and then closed my eyes. This time he didn't say I love you. I silently giggled at this because that's all he had done for the past two days. I didn't care though. When we pulled apart the last of the sun was going down. I watched the rest of the sun and the last bit of pink and orange in the sky. "We better go before it gets dark," he said climbing up the edge. I nodded my head in agreement and climbed back up after him. When we got up we walked back the way we came and right when we got to camp the pink and orange was replaced with darkness. I collapsed on the ground and closed my eyes happy to be able to sleep. Before I went to sleep I heard Zevin and his mom talking. "Did you have fun on your date?" "Mom it wasn't a date!" "Ok fine well did you have fun?" "Yes mom." "Well I would think so you look really happy." "So what if I am?" "What happened?" "Nothing." "Y'all kissed didn't you?" "Mom!" "Well why else would you be this happy?" "I'm always happy around her!" "Not this happy!" "Whatever." "Well did you?" "Mom! Gosh she could be up!" "No she's fast asleep see," she said and came over and starting saying my name. "Fine she's asleep." "Now will you answer me?" "Why should I?" "Because if you don't I'll take her healed arm back!" "No mom! You wouldn't do that!" "But I would." "Why do you want to know anyway?" "Because I want to know what is making you so happy! You kissed her earlier and you weren't even this happy!" "That was different." "Ha! So you admit y'all kissed!" "Yes mom! We kissed so what!" "I knew it!" "Mom seriously it's not a big deal!" "But your so happy I don't understand!" "So I'm happy!" "Yea but why!" "Because I am!" "But you kissed earlier and you weren't this happy!" "So what!" "So what happened this time that made it different from earlier!" "Nothing!" "Yes it was something!" "Fine there was!" "Well what was it?" "I don't want to tell you!" "Fine I'll just take her arm back." "No!" "Then tell me!" "Mom!" "Tell me or I'll go break it myself!" "I know you don't like her but...." "But nothing tell me!" "The sun froze! Okay there I said it!" "Awww the sun froze! That's so sweet! You know what that means right?" "Yes mom I do! Why do you think I'm so happy!" "Well you should be!" "Your not going to break her arm now are you?" "No I won't now that I know this." Then the conversation was over and everyone went to sleep except me. What does it mean when the sun freezes. ####################### Omg omg! What was so important about the sun freezing? Why does his mom still hate her? I don't know find out in the next update
Ok, you're writing in the present tense. Eg: 'He hugs me' It should be: 'He hugged me'. Also, use more descriptive vocabulary, I suggest maybe a thesaurus!
I didn't sleep the whole night thinking about that sun being frozen and what it meant. I had my eyes open the whole night and they were hurting really bad but I didn't really care. "I see your up," someone said and I looked over to see Zevin. "Yea I have been all night," I said looking at the sky. "Why?" "The sun froze yesterday and it worried me," I said and closed my eyes hoping he wouldn't know I listened to their conversation last night. "Oh you noticed that to?" "Yea I did. What does it mean?" He sighed"It's really complicated I don't know if I should tell you yet." "I want to know unless you want me up all night again." "Fine I'll get mom to explain it to you," he said and looked at the sky. "Ok," I said and looked to see his mom was still sleeping. It was hours before she woke up but as soon as she did Zevin told her I wanted to know what a freezing sun meant. "Ugh that's a little complicated but I'll explain it to you. If you are really happy at the time of a freezing sun your two biggest wishes will come true and if both of y'all have the same two wishes it will make it even more powerful. Since y'all did have the same two biggest wishes both of them will come true defiantly. If they weren't then they probably wouldn't come true but like I said they were so they will come true," she said looking like she was bored explaining this. "Well what were the two wishes," I ask because I didn't even know what I wished for. "Well we know for sure one of them was to get her to stop trying to kill us," Zevin said. "How do you know," I ask. "We know because she stopped and Zevin doesn't owe that favor anymore," his mom said. "Oh well what's the other wish," I ask for sure that the second was the one they talked about last night. "Zevin would you like to tell her?" "No not really," he mumbles. "Ok I will!" "No mom! You don't either," he suddenly said and hopped up out of his seat. "Why not," I ask getting annoyed. "Just because," he said sitting back down. I was about to protest but decided not to and kept quiet. We all ate and started packing up our camp site. We headed off and left the woods and flew down the waterfall and walked into town. We took his mom home and went down to the castle to tell then we were back. As we walked through town we heard whispering and saw some villagers pointing at us. I was wondering why they were doing this when one of them yelled something in their language but I couldn't tell what they said. Zevin put his head on his hand and was shaking his head. I couldn't figure out what was making everyone act so weird so I quietly kept walking. When we got to the castle thy quickly rushed us in and slammed the doors. One of them took Zevin and started whispering and then whoever it was yelled "But the sun froze," and kept whispering after that. Some of them surrounded me and was asking me about the sun but I told them I didn't know anything about it over and over but they wouldn't stop and I have in and yelled at them to stop and fell on my knees covering my ears. They quickly stopped and helped me back up. I looked to see Zevin and he came over to me and whispered "We have to go." "Why is everyone so freaked about the sun," I asked. "Its hard to explain unless you live here I'll have to tell you later," he said and looked at the stairs. "Ok well why do we have to go?" "They will drive us crazy if we don't! There is an escape upstairs but we will have to hurry if we want to make it," he said watching the stairs with fascination. "Ok," I said and we ran upstairs while the others screamed and ran after us. We ran through a door and another door and then went through a tunnel. There was a gate up ahead but it was slowly closing. We ran through it right before it closed and we stopped to take a breath. We walked right out and we were in the cave. "Nice ending," I laughed. "Yea we come were we tried to leave," he laughed. We sat down at the table we had left in there and got out breath and walked out. "I want to jump off of this," I said looking down at were the waterfall landed. "Maddie don't." "But I want to," I complained. "You will hurt yourself!" "Oh well," I said and ran and jumped flipping. He screamed after me but I laughed and put a trampoline under me laughing. I bounced back to the ground laughing so hard I fell to the ground. Zevin flew over and it made me laugh even more. "You scared me!" "That was the point," I laughed. "Haha very funny come on," he said glaring at me. "Ok," I said and got up and flied after him. We flew back to town but had to hide the whole time because there was cops everywhere looking for us! "Why do they want us to this extremes," I asked watching a cop fly by. "Because of the sun," he said looking around and moved to the next tree. "What about it?" "In this town your not allowed to cause a freezing sun unless someone from town says its ok and we didn't." "So what?" "So what freezing sun means ... Well Never mind but we caused one and I don't know how they know it was us but they do." "So we are hiding because we accidentally caused a freezing sun?" "Well not accidentally." "What do you mean?" "I mean it was planned and now we are in trouble for it." "But we didn't plan it," I practically screamed. "I did," he whispered. "Why?" "Because I did okay but we got to get through this so come on!" "No!" "Your going to get caught!" "So are you!" "What do you mean," he asked and I pointed behind me and him. There was a cop behind us both. They grabbed us and brought us to the castle and put us in a big room with books everywhere and locked us in. "Great just great we are locked in here because of a sun," I scream and throw some books at the door. "Maddie it's ok! They will let us out soon," he said and walks around. "I don't want to be in here," I scream and lay on the floor and put my feet on a chair. "I know me either but we have no choice." I growl and closed eyes and right when I was about to sleep the door flys open. }{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{ Why is it such a crime for a frozen sun? Who opened the door? I don't know find out in the next update