Oh god, caramel skinned. That's probably the biggest complaint I have. Because caramel skinned. Otherwise, I actually enjoy this and hope you be careful with the representation of others cultures, also that you keep going with it.
Sorry I didn't know any other way to represent it (Was rushing) so yeah sorry next time, I'll try something else.
I just don't like the wording. Caramel skinned. Raven haired. Rub me the wrong way. Also you haven't exactly misinterpreted anything yet just be wary.
As I backed away, my breathing practically stopped. “How? I mean how could she have died?” I dashed to the door and called for help. Silence and quick gasps filled the room as people rushed over to see what was happening. Soon it turned into sobs of sorrow when they realized the devastation that was left in the bathroom. “How did this happen?!?!” exclaimed a small girl with blood-red hair no taller than 5’6. Everyone looked at me, as I was her roommate, but I had no idea how she died. There was no blood loss. Her eyes looked heartless and dull. Her pretty, fun loving blue eyes now had no color, no emotion, no life.... (Alex’s POV) Drip... drip... drip... My eyes, slowly opening, gradually adjusted to the bright lights of the hospital room. I tried to sit up but had no strength. “Ugh, anyone there?” I looked around and saw the crowds of doctors, nurses, and patients roaming the hospital hallways. Reaching up, I touched my head. It was surprisingly wet. Bringing my fingers down, I saw blood, but I knew it couldn’t be mine. Pure instinct told me to look up while the other half told me to ignore it. Instinct won. I looked up, only to see the figure from the bathroom. Screaming, I tried my hardest to move away from it. “No please leave me alone!” “Oh Alex Cortez, oh you foolish boy. There is no escape from me. I am you and you are me. Your soul shall be mine. As your idiotic mortals interrupted me taking your soul.” The figure had my voice and soon my face grew out of the dark abyss that was his face. “Luckily for you, a girl named Bridget fed me today.” I noticed the heart monitor and ripped off the patches, keeping my eyes on the soul thief. Nurses began to rush in and secure me to the bed. “Mr. Cortez please relax!!” I felt a sharp object pierce my neck, as I began to fade into unconsciousness. ***************************** I want to thank my lovely editor FallenAngel!!! She's been a great help to me with helping me edit and such. Just want to put that out there.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the beams of light traveled alongside me. “Hello? Where am I? Can someone help me? I don’t know where I am.” I looked behind me and saw two pairs of eyes... no, 4... no, 10... They were approaching quickly, multiplying so rapidly. I ran as fast as I could, but they seemed to be right there, holding me by a leash. Before me were more eyes, blood red eyes. “LEAVE ME ALONE!!”, I screamed and shouted, closing my eyes tight. I could feel them touch me. One by one, hands of all sizes pulled me down, but there was no floor. I felt as if I was falling into a dark chasm that never ended. Was I to die here? Was my final breath meant to be here? Beep, beep, beep. Waking up in shock, my eyesight wasn’t very adjusted to the light, yet I could see no figures. No doctors and nurses. Slowly, I stepped to my feet, the ground cold as ice. My legs moved cautiously step by step as I approached the door. I opened the room door and wiped at my eyes, finally adjusting to the light. “What the...?” I looked around at the lights that were flickering eerily. I used the wall next to the door to steady myself up. The walls had red splatters on them. Another nurse ran across the hallway, screaming her lungs out before collapsing and coughing up large amounts of blood. What was going on? I staggered, walking down the flights of steps in nothing but a hospital gown. I exited the front entrance and looked back. The hospital seemed to be booming with life, like nothing had happened. A low whisper filled my head. “I hope you liked the view of the hospital from my eyes.”