So sad. Awesome story. I don't have anything to critique you on, just following what the rest of them said.
I have another one I wrote last week for the same class. It's rough, because I was on meds when I wrote it and I didn't proof it after. Lol. But I'll post it if I have time sometime today.
I almost never have a chance to. Or I get distracted when I do. But since I'm required to, I love it. And I do love writing. Lol.
As I said. I'd post the other one if I had time. It's really rough. Lol. But I did say I would. "It's all there," I told him as I handed him the bag. He smiled at me, his few teeth gleaming in the rays if light reaching us from the street lights. They're so white, I thought, stunned. For a man who's down on his luck, he has pearly teeth. I watched him, fascinated, as he reached into the bag with his hands. They were almost perfect, beautifully tanned with a sprinkling of fine hair in the back of them. His fingers were straight, his nails manicured to a gently sloping arch. I looked back up to his face. A small smile continued to play around his lips, as if he were sharing a joke with himself. He glanced up at me, a brief, darting look. Cheeks burning, I guiltily looked away and pretended to gaze at our surroundings as intently as i had been gazing at him. Graffiti surrounded us, intricate images plastered on the common brick buildings we were between, distinguishing them with their differing and bold designs. The alley we were in reeked of trash and piss, the smells emanating from nearby dumpsters, also decorated with street art. The faint sound of vehicles passing by on a nearby road reached my ears. Im also posting this in paragraphs because they're too damn long.
He made a small sound, an indistinguishable noise. I glanced up at his face and froze. He slowly lifted his eyes to search my face. His own expression was frozen into an indecipherable mask. I gave him a slight smile, and he glanced back down. He scoured the bag with his gaze, searching, searching... His face morphed into one of rage, and he began moving toward me, a menacing bulk advancing with a frightening intensity gleaming in his eyes. I stood frozen as he reached me.
If anyone bothers to read this and wants to read the rest, just say so. I might post the rest tomorrow. If not, .