At the office, working on my computer as usual. Trying to find information on any evidence I've found. The flat-screened monitor, with it's black casing going from page to page with my hectic determination. It's 5:00 A.M. I went to the office early, pretty soon hours passed by, and it's already 6:30 A.M. I better start heading to the coffee shop, my boss always has her coffee at 7:00. I picked up my jacket, and stopped by the bathroom, looking inside the mirror. My eyes were sleep-deprived, and my black hair was short but messy, and my thin, slender face was looking exhausted. I slicked down my hair a little before walking out to my car, and getting in. Putting my hands on the brown steering wheel, as I looked around on lightly colored interior. I took care of my car, but I can't take care of anything else. My car was clean, my life was a mess. I pulled out of the parking lot after starting my car, and headed towards the coffee shop. It was about 3 miles away. To be honest, I don't know the name. Never really cared. Sure enough, in the parking lot, was my boss's car. I could see her through the glimmering window. The coffee shop is obviously very prosperous, and well maintained. With it's perfect paint, and neutral colors. Even it's windows were perfect. I walked through the door, my hands slipping into my pockets as she looked at me with a worried expression. I walked to the red booth she was in, and sat my hands on the white table as I sat down. She already ordered me a coffee, 2 creams, and 3 sugars I presume. That's the standard coffee people usually order. I took a sip, and then looked at her with a curious expression. "You wanted to talk to me?" I asked retoricely. "Max... I just want to know why you are so worried about this case? You aren't getting sleep, you look terrible, and...and when is the last time you took a shower?" Crap, that's what happens when you are to focused on work. You forget your own personal hygiene along with everything else. I should probably take a shower when I get home. "I'm sorry. I'll tell you why." I said. "Please." She said urging me on, while she waved her hand in a beckoning gesture. "A long time ago, when these murders first started happening, there was a certain case. A woman named Selena Gonzales, and her child were murdered. Her child was two months old!" I said slamming my hand on the table a little too hard, and I retracted it back opening my palm before I put it in my lap. I continued. "When I was a kid, my mother got murdered. Along with her 4 month old. I was seven and was at school. The police came and got me at school and explained everything. I burst out in tears, and even though I was seven, I swore I'd catch that man one day. The police never did, and I never did. The least I can do is help others with the same problem." "Max...I'm so sorry... I had no idea! That's very honorable, but you're blowing this way out of proportion! You're driving yourself mad!" She was trying to sound sincere, and she obviously was. "I know Sheila, but you don't understand. It's something I haft to do!" I said, through gritted teeth, as I walked out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's getting a bit more...involved. You found out something. What do you think will happen next? Besides him taking a shower.
I never abbreviate... However, in most situations, I try to use the most realistic dialogue possible.
Feedback: I think you should maybe add some description to what he's doing. It's actually already well-described, so I have no problem with that. Maybe describe Max a little more; dig deeper into his storyline. Maybe add a new character of some sort? Other than that, it's absolutely terrific. Bump!
I breathed in slowly as the warm water hit my face coming down like a subtle rain out of heaven. Feeling the warm water through my black hair felt comforting and relaxing, and for the first time in ages I felt comfortable and safe. I stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel off the rack. Putting the white towel with red stains, I never knew where they came from. I hastily got dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. I didn't feel like working today, so I took a day off. I had vacation days saved up. I sat down on my couch softly this time, grabbing the remote off the small, paint-chipped coffee table. I switched the TV on, and the news was on. I watched the news a lot. I watched it for while, then saw my boss in an interview. "So, Sheila is it?" The news reporter said, Sheila nodded her head. "So, this case your detective Max Worthington has been working on, it's been tough. And I've heard you've not gotten far. Do you think it's because of Max not doing well?" She is already obnoxious to me. I was expecting her to avoid the question, but instead she said something surprising. "No. He has been working nonstop. The evidence is not abundant, and that is why we're having trouble. Max is the best man I know, and he is amazing at what he does. The fact you question him is enough for me to say this interview is done." She said it with attitude, and some sort of passion. I couldn't help but sit there with a stupid smile on my face. After about five minutes of smiling like an idiot, I got up and made something to eat. When I was about to sit down, and enjoy my sandwich, I heard a knock on the door. I reached for the rusted, silver door handle and twisted it until the door opened. Standing there was Sheila, and her hands full with pizza and a movie. I should probably tell her that's totally cliche, but I'd feel mean. So I let her in, and asked her what she's doing. She said: "You deserve a nice day off, so I figured I'd bring something. You've been working to hard." The awkwardness in this room is almost unbearable. The first time I've seen her wear a t-shirt, and jeans. She was definitely not...out of shape if you know what I mean. "This is really unprofessional." I blurted out, being the painfully honest person I am. "Relax." She said mild-mannerly. "This is just a lunch among friends, with a movie." All I can think right now is...what the **** is she up to? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm not the romance type, so any of you who know me, know this is for a reason not of romance. Feedback please!
Read in-between the lines.... And seriously, romance is so overdone! But...as appeasement to my readers, I will add a minimal amount.