Do not be racist , be like Mario. He's an italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks english, looks like a mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a jew!
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
A blondes house is on fire. So she calls a fire department. Here's the conversation. Blonde: Heyy my house is on fire Department: Alright where do you live? We'll be right over. Blonde: In a house. Department: I realize you're in a house, but how do you expect us to get there? Blonde: Big red fire truck duh...
Some years ago, in a small coastal Irish community, Paddy married a woman, Maggie, half his age. All was well at first untilMaggie took delivery of a 'woman's magazine and began to read things about sex. It soon became clear that she had neverclimaxed during sex and, according to her Grandmother, all Irish women are entitled toa climax once in a while.To resolve the problem, Paddy and Maggie went to see the Veterinarian since there was no doctor within thirty miles who could be relied upon not to gossip. However, the Vet didn't have a clue about people. But he did recall during hot summers, his mother and father would fan a cow (with a big towel) that was having difficulty breeding.Apparently, this cooled her down and helpedher to relax. So he recommended they hire astrong, young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, should cause the young wife to cooldown, relax and possibly achieve the sought after climax.So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave a huge bath towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so theywent back to the Vet who suggested she change partners and let the young man havea go while Paddy waved the big towel.They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a halfhours. When it was over, Paddy looked downat the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice shouted "And dat, me auld son, is how ya wave a feckin' towel!"
Little Bobby walks into the kitchen where hismum is fixing dinner. "Mum, I got a splinter in my finger. Can I have a glass of cider?""Are you sure you don't want me to pull it out?" "No thanks, just the cider". So she gives him the cider and watches him trot contentedly off. Ten minutes later Bobby returns once again and asks for a glass of cider. The mother complies with her son's wishes again, but her curiosity has been piqued to the point where she can't resist knowing why any longer. So she wanders into the family room and sees Little Bobby sitting in front of the TV with his finger in theglass. "Why on earth do you have your fingerin that glass" she asks? "Well, mum, I heard sis on the phone say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider".