[Contest]The most HilariousJokes

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by MadameButterfly-Anna, Dec 16, 2014.

  1. In ocean, that have male fish swimming for fun, suddenly he found a shine rock, then he bring that shine rock back to his home..Hes take care that rock, put his life on it. Everday he talking to that rock, talking about his life, about his heart, about his feelings. And he said I like u to that rock, and he waiting that rock answer 'yes'. And he waiting, then waiting, and waiting for rest his life. But that rock don't say nothing means no. So that male fish kill itself.
    Have a nice day. 
     

  2. What did I just read? o_O
     

  3. 
     
  4. Your english is worth it,but the joke? Naw
     
  5. Your english is worth it,but the joke naw
     
  6. None of these are funny
     
  7. Yeah... None made us laugh.. Sigh
     
  8. More more more(●´∀`●)
     
  9. African American girls with blonde hair look like Duracell Batteries! (I'm AA)
     
  10. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil!
     
  11. Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Britney Spears.
    Britney Spears who?
    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Oops I did it again
     
  12. Huh? Moral of the story...fish and rocks can't find love with one another...??
     
  13. YO MOMMA SO FAT SHE JUMPED IN THE AIR AND GOT STUCK ! ?

    OOOOOO ROASTED ! ️?️ Ok
     
  14. Best joke hands down
     
  15. Once there lived a pie
    He was very very ugly,
    The one day the pie said I'm ugly n I'm proud, I'm ugly and I'm proud, 5 years later, the pie got the star role in American pie, and sadly his legacy lived on
     
  16. Yayy, lol:) they don't like my dirty jokes, tho.
     
  17. Two illegal Mexicans are stuck in the desert
    after crossing into the United States,
    wandering aimlessly and starving. They are
    about to just lie down and wait for death,
    when all of a sudden Luis says...
    "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees
    bacon, I theenk". "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like
    bacon".
    With renewed hope they struggle up the next
    sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree
    loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's
    fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked
    bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pork!
    "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree".
    "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the
    desert don't forget". "Pepe, since when deed
    you ever hear of a meerage that smell like
    bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
    And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree.
    He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling
    close behind, when suddenly a machine gun
    opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock.
    Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his
    dying breath,
    "Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not
    a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what
    ees it?" "Pepe... ees not a bacon tree. Ees-
    ees-ees... ees a ham bush..
     
  18. A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I
    think it's got epilepsy" she tells the vet. The
    vet takes a look and says "It seems calm
    enough to me". The blonde says "Wait, I
    haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!
     
  19. I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

    I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

    I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.

    I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

    I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

    I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle.

    Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

    When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine.

    And as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

    I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am.

    I'm not half as thunk as you might drink.

    I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.