LoL!! They're funny. x)) Got it all except the naked banana, responsible applicant, and diamondz's 60yr old couples. But oh well... x) The multilingual one, loool. &
A man and his wife were laying in bed when aliens abducted them. Upon arriving on the alien ship, they were greeted by a male alien and a female alien. "Do not fear humans, we come with a proposition for you. My wife and I have decided that we would like to have sex with humans, to see what it is like." So after talking it over for a bit, the man and his wife agreed and were taken into separate rooms. The male alien goes on to tell the wife, "You are in full control here. If you want me to go faster, just push or pull my ears. If you want my dick to get bigger, tap me on the head." It was the most exhilarating sexual experience the wife ever had, getting exactly what she wanted. After they were done the alien sent the wife down to her house where her husband was waiting. "How was your experience babe?" she asks. "It was going great, until that bitch grabbed my ears and started punching me in the head."
Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good, Jenny," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day Jenny came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24
A monkey walks into a tavern and says: hi. 'M so hilarious, I make myself laugh. I should date me bc im so funny. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Don't you just love one horrible joke among funny jokes? That post doesn't even deserve to be on this thread of humor
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now, if there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Savior," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.