There are 3 Spies that get captured. One spy is French, one is German and the other is Italian. Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room. They torture him for 2 hours before he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets. The captors throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair as well and torture him for 4 hours before he tells them what they want to know. They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. They tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing. 4 hours go by and the spy isn't talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell. The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk. The Italian spy responds, " I wanted to!, but I couldn't move my hands!". Italians be like: Hey! It's been a while! *salutes, waves, claps hands, makes a bird, stirs an invisible pot, and continues on* Don't even get me started on the "pasta" hand motions....
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
so Obama, Michelle Obama, and Oprah are in airforce one, Obama turns around and says "I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window and make someone very happy". Michelle Obama turns and says "I could throw 10 $10,000 bills out the window and make 10 people really happy". Oprah said "Ill beat both of you, I can throw 100 $10,000 bills out the window and make 100 people really happy". Then the pilot turns to them and says "Yeah but i could crash this plane and make 200 million people REALLY happy!"
Yea but thats what Imagination is for . A man goes to visit an old friend, who has moved to another country and started a family. They haven’t seen each other since school. His old friend picks him up at the airport, and they go back to the house. When they get inside, the friend introduces the man to his three daughters. “This is Joy” says his friend. “We called her that because she was such a happy baby, always giggling and smiling. “This is Morose” he continues. “She was very quiet as a child, always observing the world around her” Before he can introduce his third daughter, the phone rings. The friend apologizes, and tells his friend, “Listen, I have to go into work quickly. Please, make yourself at home. I will be back in an hour” So the man sits down, and the third daughter comes over and starts laughing maniacally. Without warning, she starts stripping off. She starts rubbing herself all over him, and before they know it, she’s reaching for his zipper. Things escalate very quickly, and it’s not long before they are having sex on the sofa. Suddenly, the friend comes back into the house and sees the man and his daughter hard at it, and screams, “I know I told you to make yourself at home, but you’re fucking Ridiculous!”