Mel's Review Station Story: Bloody Mary Written by: -KittyInBunnyland- Extra Information: Delicate and amazing read. Originality~ I've heard and seen quite a few framed killing stories in my life time, the thing what grips me to yours is the closeness I feel towards Mary at a very early start to this story. The emotional sense is written and portrayed well making it a wonderful and breath taking read. Interest~ The thing is...I just had to keep reading every chapter I saw, truly gripping. What a great story should have, the pain of waiting for more is the best feeling in the world. The actions in the telling of this story brought very interesting images to my head. Characters~ There is a lack of description of characters appearance early on but we learn of Mary's soon after that. It is written subtle which gives a nice touch. The emotion and the feelings of Tom and Mary give as a little incite as the why they are doing what they do. Grammar~ Two to three typos over all the three chapters posted at the moment which is an amazing effort and good use of editing. The way this story is formatted is very professional in the way that it is used where needed to highlight various emotions. Summary Review~ Highly recommended because of the brilliant detail and great hook. The chapters are at a nice and easy to read length. Sorry it took so long but I wish it hadn't! Can't wait for the next update~
Chapter Four — Unknown's POV — "Why do you— they call her Bloody Mary?" I asked my best mate curiously. We were walking towards our locker and I spotted Mary Levine walking alone trying to be invisible, going to her locker just across of mine. She was the usual lifeless her, but something was captivating about her, that had me wonder about her from the first time I saw her in History. She had her books pressed on her chest, and her hair was covering her face. She dressed normally, and she's pretty— but why does she hide her beauty? If I were her, I wouldn't do so. Joshua shrugged as he opened his locker, and I did the same. "I passed by the teachers' lounge on the first day, and coincidentally they were talking about her. Everyone close to her died a bloody death, they said. Her relatives are dead, her best friend, and her boyfriend died. And she was with them in every death. But I didn't say anything, unfortunately Peter heard it too and started spreading the rumour." He paused and grabbed his books for the morning classes. And then continued, "So they called her that. Less people though. But ever since Wednesday when she was found in the third stall of the girls' lavatory bleeding— that's when the nickname became so popular. They said that the staffs checked her body for injuries and such, but there was nothing... She was perfectly normal. Like a porcelain doll, with no flaws at all." He explained also thinking hardly while running his fingers down his dirty blonde buzz-cut hair. I stared at him in curiosity, and found myself locking eyes with Mary across the hallway. She was looking at me with so much wonder. I smiled faintly at her an she looked away. Why does she do that? I sighed and closed my locker, following Joshua. "There's something about her," I said dreamingly, but not that obvious that I'm thinking so much of her. He raised his brow and snorted, "Yeah? Like she's practically dead? Don't get too close to her, Michael. We don't want anything to happen to you." "I'm not gonna get close to her," I remarked, obviously a lie. He scoffed and let out a light chuckle. "Yeah right! You befriend everyone who's practically a no one, no matter who they are. You're just that kind of guy... But seriously, don't go near her. She's... a curse." After that, he suddenly left me as he walk towards his class, and me on mine. Is it weird that I felt really protective of her even though I barely know her? I felt furious at Joshua's words. It hurt me too, and why? I shrugged the thoughts off and began my plan to how to get close to Mary. It's true I befriend everyone different, but it's not out of pity. I understand how they feel, and how it is to be lonely. I don't do it because of sympathy, I do it because I want them to feel that they're not the only person in the world who's feeling the same way. I sat down on my seat, Mary was already there surprisingly. She was the same as yesterday. Silent, and always covering her beautiful face. "Hey Michael," I looked up and saw Katija smiling widely at me. I smiled back at her and greeted her the same. Katija Morris. An odd person who loves to befriend everyone but most of them doesn't want to because they think she's weird. She has golden locks that comes down on her waist, and she has the brightest emerald eyes ever. There was one time I asked her why her Katia is spelled as 'Katija', and she just said, "Because my parents love Scandinavian names. And I love it too, it's unique." I laughed at myself and focused myself looking at Mary. Look at me. I pleaded to myself. But I know that wouldn't happen. An hour passed of trying to listen to Mrs. Harrington, and trying to stop myself from admiring Mary's beautiful icy blue eyes focused on Mrs. Harrington. I hope you'd look at me like that... I told myself, trying to hide my disappointment by heaving a sigh. The bell rang and everyone stormed off the room, but Mary took her sweet time. Her touch was so delicate on her books. And then I felt the urge to let her touch me with her soft slender hands. But she should eat more. She almost looks like a stick. She slowly walked out of the classroom, and me feeling like a stalker as I walk behind her. "G'bye, Mrs. Harrington," she said softly. Mrs. Harrington gave her a soft sad smile and said a goodbye, and then she left. As I was about to follow Mary, Mrs. H stopped me. I eyed her curiously and asked what was wrong. "Mr. Archibald, I hope you'll help Mary out of her shell. She needs it... or she won't survive. Help her, please?" She begged. I gasped silently, nodded and I left. She won't survive? I asked myself loads of times. What does she mean by that? It didn't sound like there was something behind those words. Mrs. H sounded literal, and sincere. Mary, what happened to you? ☆ Short chapter and a filler! Introducing the second main character! Michael Archibald; who I pretty much see as Sean Faris
You have an author's mind and grip. I love your simple vocabulary. Something different after so long. You're amazing Sorry Blaire, I'm using your bump(I LOVE IT) so,
Chapter Five The refreshing gentle wind washed away my fears and anxiety. I was sat on the grass, while I was writing on my notebook. I stared at the beautiful sky, mixed with orange and yellow. It was beautiful to watch. It felt like hope. I sighed deeply and my lips twitched into a small smile. I was in the park alone, and it was four in the afternoon. The first week of school just passed, and the only thing that kept me going was the school doctor, and my history teacher. But there's something deep in my mind noticing the way Michael Archibald looks at me. I know... a shocker. I know his name. You can't blame me, he's popular; and he sits beside me in History, and did I mention he also sits beside me in Music every Friday? I pushed away my thoughts and cleared my head. It's been two days since I haven't had nightmares. It's been refreshing, but I know that in the near future something big will happen. A flashback of some sort... But of who? My sister and I that were kidnapped, and I watched her being raped and murdered in front of me? My best friend who was comforting me while he took me out for ice cream, but then we just had to be at the wrong place at the wrong time? Or... My first love... my first boyfriend... my first everything... sitting beside me, laughing his heart off, while looking at me lovingly, but then we were just swallowed by darkness? I sneered, and felt a sharp pang on my chest. No matter how much I want to forget... The past years has been too much on me. Too much. Andrew's death caused me to be on the brink of my sanity. He was the last person who I'd thought of losing. His death was what I feared the most. I loved him with all my heart, even hoped to marry him... but all that— came crashing down when he left without giving a fight. He was a fighter. I whispered hoarsely to myself, while trying to hold back my tears. But I failed, my tears were threatening to fall, and it did. Slowly and painfully, it did. Andrew was a fighter. He never gave up without a fight. But why did he just leave me like that? Why couldn't he stay? No... Why couldn't I have been the one to die instead of him— them? I groaned and put my notebook down on the ground. "Mary, you're here to forget! Stop thinking so hard!" I warned myself. My chest was burning from the memories of the past. Vivid details started to come crashing down on me... Why we were there... How we got there... What happened... And how I watched them die. But I was interrupted by a hand tapping me lightly on my shoulder. I froze from the shock and thanked the person to myself for stopping me from suffering another episode of my stupid nightmares. "Mary?" I gulped. I knew that voice. I turned around slowly and my eyes landed on his brown eyes. He looked worried and surprised. Why is he worried? I shoved his hand lightly away from my shoulder. I growled at him softly. "Don't touch me." I warned him. He gasped and took a step back, he had fear in his eyes. No! Don't be afraid of me, please! A part of me ripped out my chest for even thinking of that, but the other half of me told me that I needed him. Are you seriously kidding me? I don't even know the person. I bet he wants to make fun of me that I just lost everyone I have ever loved. I scowled. "I'm sorry..." he stuttered. "I didn't know," he said apologetically. I narrowed my eyes at him and looked away. I didn't want to have friends! Can't he get that through his thick skull? I'm sure he knows I try so hard to be invisible, so why can't he just let me be? "Uh, can I sit beside you?" I rolled my eyes. "This is an open space. Why do you have to sit beside me?" I asked silently. I was being rude, but it's always the only way to protect people. I could sense him shift, and then I scowled at myself. He left... But actually, he didn't. I turned my head on the right and saw him grinning at me. Annoying much? I exhaled and ran my fingers down my hair, and pulled up my grey hoodie. "What do you want?" I asked nicely, staring at the sky, watching the clouds pass by. He shrugged, "I want to get to know you better." I scoffed at his words and lowered my head, staring at the ground. "What's there to know about me? I'm just bloody Mary. A girl who's cursed, and doesn't have any friends, because she doesn't deserve them... Why? Well," I paused and looked at him straight in the eye, "they die a bloody death when they get close to her." And with that, I stood up from the ground, grabbed my notebook and my pen and stormed off. For some odd, stupid, unknown reason— I was crying all the way home. I felt like my soul was taken away, my heart was ripped out in shreds. It felt like walking away from forever. Oh, but I'm not that silly to believe in that. There's no forever... There's no prince charming... And as for me... There will never be any happiness. ☆ I heard a soft giggling laugh circling around me. It was enchanting and beautiful. I woke up in a serene place. It looked so much like a movie. The perfect setting, and the perfect vibrance. I heard another giggle, "Come, Mary! Let's play," she held out her hand, but somehow I couldn't see her face clearly. She was wearing a beautiful baby blue dress, and she was in bare feet. I held my hand towards her and felt her cold touch skin. I winced but disregarded it. We ran towards the forest. I found myself at ease. I found myself smiling, laughing, and having fun. Happiness... It felt good to feel it again. We went deeper into the woods, but with every tree we passed I could feel the atmosphere tensing. "Where are we going?" I asked, afraid. "Don't be afraid, Mary. I'm going to take you to a place where it is peaceful." She smiled so angelic at me that I didn't try to resist her. We ran and ran, but I didn't feel tired. Her giggling was a stress relief. It was like you're caught in a spell. "We're here, Mary," she said. I gasped and felt my blood drain. Her voice became so sinister-like. And she was no longer wearing the clean dress... Blood was smeared throughout her body, and even on the ground. I stared at her, but I couldn't really see her... She had an evil smirk on her thin red lips. "This is peace, Mary." She sneered and took out a sharp dagger. I turned on my back, and ran as fast as I could. I was so petrified. I didn't know what else to do. But I tripped on a branch and fell down; and I felt a cold blade through my heart. And the last thing I heard was a laugh of mockery and happiness. My eyes snapped open and I found myself wrapped around in the arms of someone strong and muscly. I was panting and sweating. And this man was soothing me with his touch, while whispering to me that everything will be alright. And the weird thing was... I trusted him. I looked up and saw his pale face, tears staining his cheeks. I looked at him in awe. Why is he crying? Better yet— where the hell am I? I pulled away from him and he looked at me with a broken expression. I observed my surroundings and my brows furrowed. Why am I still in the park? Wait— I was running... and I collapsed? "Mary, are you okay?" He asked, but before I could respond he interrupted, "No! Of course you're not okay! But still, I need to ask you, what's wrong?" his voice was so sincere that it made me feel warmth. But no! Mary, you can't succumb to his actions! Don't get close to him. Don't risk anyone's life for a pity-party. Just go! My subconscious yelled at me. And that's what I did. I left a sincere, worried-looking Michael on the ground, with tears on his face. And I didn't even say anything else to him. I just left... It's for the better right? He won't get hurt... Sometimes I wish... I should have never let Andrew get close to me after my sister's death. Because then I knew, I was a curse. And Tyler— Tom's brother, my best friend— proved it. ------- pretty long, but I like this chapter! I'm inspired ATM, so I wrote in just 30 minutes. It's not edited, so forgive me. xx