Nah I feel tf out of that, I really don't get too close with most of my friends. I've tried doing better, need to work on it more.
At the same time, I’m not a confrontational person. I don’t care enough to go up to someone and tell them my, sometimes brutally, honest truth. It’s usually not worth my time. I don’t like making enemies, I like when people like me, as long as they’re not annoying. I’ll more so just dislike them in my head or rant to my friends LOL.
Do you ever feel lonely by keeping yourself so separate from people with the intention of not being grouped into their negativity? Or does that get countered by helping people?
I’m super confrontational. I don’t mind @ing or pming someone if I have a problem, but at the same time (like I said) I coddle people. It makes no sense.
Personally, I decided and did change when I realized that I didn’t even like myself at all. That I had become this wretched excuse for a human being. Angry at the world and vindictive. I am still a little vindictive tho. But yeah, I ended up deciding I needed to be better. And I ended up doing just that. I had to burn some bridges along the way, also made some new ones. Could finish my degree, got into a MSc, finished it. Got a stable relationship with an amazing person. I lucked out I guess. I mean don’t get me wrong I sacrificed a lot. Giving up on something I really loved doing because the environment was toxic sucked. Especially since I had pretty much sacrificed my studies to pursue it. But giving it up, and returning to my studies was the right choice. Hell, maybe it ain’t as glamorous to be an academic but I like my life and myself now. I feel like I have less to prove and honestly I got a lot of out of it. I get to work at an European level and have free trips to other countries. If I want to overstay and sightsee I can, just have to pay for the hotel out of my pocked for the extra days but still, free plane rides, and usually half a day of arriving and last day of meetings. It is awesome. Also fortunately my boss doesn’t mind my weirdness at the office. I do tone it down when I go to meetings because oftentimes it is with stuffy people but using doc martens at the office rocks! But yeah, moral of the story: sometimes to move forward you really do gotta cut down things you are attached to but that are dragging you back and keeping you. It can be jobs, objects, or people. Some people will never change and we gotta accept that, but we don’t have to accept their abuse. You don’t have to keep toxic people in your life, no matter what.
I am really happy to hear that you ended up getting the help you needed and that it turned your life around, even if it took awhile to get to that point!
Something I need to work on is probably making myself vulnerable. I get easily uncomfortable when feelings get all mushy and friendships go anywhere beyond surface level, particularly when it's about me. In past relationships I had to be very guarded because I dated abusive people but the last person i dated and my current partner are both very nice people and it's like they're being punished for something they didn't even do (their words) so I have been trying to allow myself to be more trusting and comfortable, at least towards my current gf.
I actually think this works. I can't tell if you are being serious or not but its... like method acting? Haha
YES. I’ve always viewed myself being vulnerable as weakness, but I don’t mind when people open up with me. So, that’s something I also have to work on.
I don't think you are alone in that. It is very difficult to learn how to behave differently and be vulnerable when you have spent so long protecting yourself. To an extent, I am an awful mixture of too vulnerable and too guarded- I may love a lot of people but don't feel comfortable expressing my true feelings, if that makes sense. It makes it easier to get hurt, so I understand that. I think you are a strong person, though, and will be able to open up more with practice and support.
I mean maybe at times yeah but then it’s like if other people are always so toxic especially in groups am I really missing out on anything? If someone wants to spend their time hating on others in some way that’s more sad than me not associating with them ? if being negative brings others happiness that ain’t who I’m tryna be around for long
That actually makes a lot of sense. I think people are often reflections of their environment and things like the people you associate with, jobs, etc. are all a part of that.
You don't need to sugar coat (if that means white lying) to advice. My best friend is the honest one, the one that'd tell me the hard truths that would make me cry, sometimes. You can, although, work on how you word it to sound helpful, instead of aggressive. My aunt also is the bad cop, lol. Sometimes a bit of bad cop, helps. Too much can be counterproductive, just as much as sugar coating or telling what people wants to listen instead of the truth.
i like the idea of this thread. as soon as i read the 2nd paragraph i had a few people and situations in specific come to mind, as we share a lot of the same friends and tend to interpret things differently. i think we balance each other out nicely because of that. it's been refreshing building a close friendship with someone who's a genuinely selfess, thoughtful, and rational person. considering sometimes i can be very harsh, confrontational, and irrational (with the best intentions). sometimes i question how people are able to look past the questionable actions of others, and still see the good in them. originally, it would frustrate me, but now it's something i admire. as a person, im trying to grow as someone who isn't as judgemental. i use to amount people to their worst actions and decisions, but that said more about me than it did about them. as soon as someone said or did something that went against my personal choices, morals, beliefs, etc, i would look at them differently. especially people i wanted to form friendships and relationships with, and ive probably missed out on some amazing people because of it. it's still something im working on, i never want it to seem like i judge people because i think im better than them, it's mostly because i believe me and my friends deserve better treatment, actions, or need to uphold a better reputation than to be associated with someone who does things i dislike. along with that comes forgiveness and apologizing, which im getting better at; not holding grudges and letting people know i am approachable and will always try to find a common ground. im mostly applying this to my relationships in real life. baby steps. im happy that im finally comfortable admitting my imperfections. it got boring letting people think that i think im actually boujee and better than people. it's a joke. most of the time. an exhausting one. i can't wait to see all my friends thriving and be better, let's all butterfly and eskimo kiss.
I don't think everyone is like that, though, even in groups so I think that, by isolating yourself in that way, you may be preventing yourself from enjoying the joy that only comes with close friendship.