Karina _______ "Who are you?! Get away from him!" I yell at the girl. "Get off of me!" Brennan yells at her struggling. "Shut up you two! I'm going to tie you two to a tree!" She yells out. "I'm stronger than you! You can't tie me!" Brennan angrily yells. "I have a gun! Do as I say and no one will get hurt!" She yells out. "You don't have the guts!" Brennan tells out. "Oh really? Why don't I shoot your little friend here then?" She says. "Fine! Don't shoot! Just tie me up." Brennan says. A few minutes later of struggling and yelling and Brennan and I are tied up. "So what's your name anyway?" Brennan asks. "Katelyn. I'm here to take back my ex, Brian." She says. "I see, you are his ex which he hates." I say. "Shut up!" She says pointing the gun to me. "Where are you Brennan?! Karina?! I know you are here!" Brian yells out as he comes out of his car. "Hello Brian!" Katelyn says. "Katelyn!? What are you doing here?" He asks. "I want you back and so I tied your girlfriend and her little friend to a tree."She says. "Karina and Brennan? .... Perfect." He says. "Perfect?! I thought you loved me?" I yell out at him. "I thought you loved me too." He says. "Now we are over. I'm with Katelyn now." He says holding Katelyn by the hips. "Now watch as we express our love for each other." He says and starts to kiss Katelyn. "Can you get free?" I whisper to Brennan. "Yes, I was waiting for a perfect time to get free and now is the time." He whispers back. Brennan gets free and unties me. We try to run away but then Brian stops us. "HEY! Get back here!"Brian tells and chases us. Soon Brennan fights with Brian. Brennan throws a punch at Brian's face knocking him out cold. I kick Katelyn in the leg and punch her face. Of course since she's a little girl, she started to cry and gave up. "Let's go Karina." Brennan says. "I agree."I say smiling. We drive away in Brennan's car to a park full with flowers. It's so beautiful. "Why are we here Brennan?" I ask. He says nothing and takes me to the middle of the flower garden. "Because when I ask you this, our I want everything to be beautiful." He says and goes on his knee.
Brennan ________ "Who are you?! Get away from him!"Karina yells at the girl. "Get off of me!" I yell at her "Shut up you two I'm going to tie you two to a tree!"She yells out. "I'm stronger than you! You can't tie me!" I yell angrily. "I have a gun! Do as I say and no one gets hurt!" She tells out. "You don't have the guts!" I yell out. "Oh really? Why don't I shoot your little friend here then?" She says. "Fine! Don't shoot! Just tie me up." I say. A few minutes later of struggling and yelling Karina and I are tied up. "So what's your name anyway?" I ask. "Katelyn. I'm here to take back my ex, Brian." She says. "I see, you are his ex which he hates." Karina says. "Shut up!" She says pointing the gun to Karina. "Where are you Brennan?! Karina?! I know you are here!" Brian yells out as he comes out of his car. "Hello Brian!" Katelyn says. "Katelyn!? What are you doing here?" He asks. "I want you back and so I tied your girlfriend and her little friend to a tree."She says. "Karina and Brennan? .... Perfect." He says. "Perfect?! I thought you loved me?" Karina yells out at him. "I thought you loved me too." He says. "Now we are over. I'm with Katelyn now." He says holding Katelyn by the hips. "Now watch as we express our love for each other." He says and starts to kiss Katelyn. "Can you get free?" Karina whispers to me. "Yes, I was waiting for a perfect time to get free and now is the time." I whisper back. I get free and untie Karina. We try to run away but then Brian stops us. "HEY! Get back here!"Brian yells and chases us. Soon Brian and I start to fight. I throw a punch at Brian's face knocking him out cold. Karina kicks Katelyn in the leg and punches her face. Of course since she's a little girl, she started to cry and gave up. "Let's go Karina." I say. "I agree."She says smiling. We drive away in my car to a park full with flowers. I'm about to do something that will change our lives forever hopefully. "Why are we here Brennan?" She asks. I say nothing and take her to the middle of the flower garden. "Because when I ask you this, our I want everything to be beautiful." I say and go on my knee.
I think it's pretty good except I agree with the others: 1.) you should have more description, and not end your sentences so abruptly. 2.) you repeat the same thing that happens in the POVs of karina and the boy shes with, so the second time you write it, it gets kind of boring.
I agree with Angela but great story just need a little more detail as if you're writing a book not telling a story