Brian (PoV) __________ Today's the day I will get Karina back. I will get her. I take a shower and pack my bag with clothes. I reserved the waterfall for us and I also reserved the whole waterfall for the night because we will be spending the night there. She's going to freak out when I tell her. I have the tent ready in my car. I call Karina to come outside when I arrive at her house. Karina opens the door and in standing in front on her. "Need help with your bag?" I ask. "Sure. Thanks." She says. Her brother and her were yelling at each other so I didn't go into that conversation. I handed the bag of snacks to Karina. "It's going to a one hour drive so here are snacks. Remember?" I ask. "Yea." She says. One hour later and we finally arrive at the waterfall. I put down the bags. "Where is everyone else?" She asks. "Not allowed in here. I reserved this waterfall for us." I say taking off my shirt and putting on my swim shorts. I dive into the water. "Come on in Karina! I'll catch you! Trust me!" I say. Karina takes off her clothes because her swimsuit was under her clothes. She jumps and I catch her. We stare at each other smiling. She's so beautiful. If you could see her she has an amazing body and her brown hair and eyes are beautiful. I'm holding her in my arms smiling. I lean in but she backs away. "So I guess we'll just swim and talk." She says. "Yea. I guess so." I say heartbroken. I'm about to swim but Karina stops me. "What are you doing?" I ask. "What you wanted to do." She says. She leans in and starts to kiss me. She's kissing me! I love her! I hug her and start to kiss her too. She's a great kisser.
Karina _________ We head into making out soon and too be honest I think I feel some sparks. SOME. We slow down and stop. "That was great." He says. "Yea it actually was but I have a boyfriend and I had a crush on him since forever and he had a crush on me too. We shared our first kiss yesterday and I don't want to break up with him already." I say. "Then don't tell him." He says. "But that'll be cheating." I say worried. "Exactly. He won't know and our true love can still be together forever. Let me take you on a vacation in spring break which starts in one week. Your parents and brother are going somewhere right? You can tell your boyfriend that you went with your cousin to her house in a different country and won't be coming back until the break is over. Then we can spend two weeks together where ever we want. Spring break is two weeks for us." He says. "I don't know Brian." I say. "Come on Karina. It's just two weeks. How about when we come back from Spring break you choose who you want. Right after you spend a week or two with him somewhere." He says. "Fine." I say. "Great. Well it's getting dark we better set up our tent." He says. "Tent? Aren't we going home now?" I ask. "I actually reserved the waterfall for the whole night too. I'll set up the tent." He says. Oh great. Now I'm spending the whole night here. I'm going to be late for school if we don't wake up early. A few minutes later and he finally finishes putting up the tent. "Alright well let's go inside I got a big tent so it has enough space for our stuff." He says putting our bags in the tent. Well at least it has space. He zippers up the tent and he hands me a sleeping bag. "You really thought this through didn't you?" I ask. "Yea." He says. "I guess you really want me back don't you?" I ask. "Yes and I won't stop until I get you back. I'll be standing right next to you in every situation no matter what. Even if the world is ending." He says seriously. I smile and he smiles too. We lean in and we kiss and I actually for real this time felt sparks with him.
Brian(PoV) ___________ We head into making out soon and I can't believe it. She's a beauty. Although we can't make love because it's our first date so we both stop. "That was great." I say. "Yea it actually was but I have a boyfriend and I had a crush on him since forever and he had a crush on me too. We shared our first kiss yesterday and I don't want to break up with him already." She says. "Then don't tell him." I say. "But that'll be cheating." She says. "Exactly. He won't know and our true love can still be together forever. Let me take you on a vacation in spring break which starts in one week. Your parents and brother are going somewhere right? You can tell your boyfriend that you went with your cousin to her house in a different country and won't be coming back until the break is over. Then we can spend a two weeks together where ever we want. Spring break is two weeks for us." I say. "I don't know Brian."She says. "Come on Karina. It's just two weeks. How about when we come back from Spring break you choose who you want. Right after you spend a week or two with him somewhere." I say. "Fine." She says. "Great. Well it's getting dark we better set up our tent." I say. I wonder how she's going to react. "Tent? Aren't we going home now?" She asks. "I actually reserved the waterfall for the whole night too. I'll set up the tent." I say. A few minutes later I finish putting up the tent. "Alright well let's go inside I got a big tent so it has enough space for our stuff." I say putting in our bags in the tent. I zip up the tent and hand her a sleeping bag. "You really thought this through didn't you?" She asks. "Yea." I say. "I guess you really want me back don't you?" She asks. "Yes and I won't stop until I get you back. I'll be standing right next to you in every situation no matter what. Even if the world is ending." I say seriously for the first time. This girl is just amazing. Out of all the girls I dated she's the first I have ever said that too, and I meant it. She smiles and I smile. We lean in and kiss.
Better description would make it better. Also, the characters are a bit flat. You need to really describe their emotions, like "I thought she was so beautiful as we kissed." could be "In that moment, when my lips met hers, the world collapsed and all I could sense was her. She was everything, everything that had ever given me happiness, the light that shines in my path, the beauty filling my soul." and you could turn a simple sentence such as "He walked into the theater, and I didn't want him here." "His presence shrouded the joy in my heart with a black cloud of hate. I hoped with the most desperate mind that he would not come near me, do not come near me or I will explode into a million pieces. As I listen to his resounding footsteps above the fake screams, I shrink in size."
I'll try an update on Friday because this whole week I'm taking tests and I really need to focus on it, everyone in my school is taking it and I want to get a better score at it then I did last year.