a story

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by HyourinmaruTheIcePrince, Dec 22, 2014.

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  1. Support :D
    Jokes aside it's good
     
    #21 Rawrrrrrr, Dec 22, 2014
  2. I'm glad it is good
     
    #22 HyourinmaruTheIcePrince, Dec 22, 2014
  3. It's a good story
     
    #23 candace141310000, Dec 22, 2014
  4. Agreed. Use paragraphs, for every scene change, or even when a character enters. ?
     
    #24 Jiggy, Dec 22, 2014
  5. Good job. 
     
    #25 rosywosy, Dec 22, 2014
  6. sound interesting! Can't wait to read more if there is more. ?
     
    #26 IJenJemTheWildKinkyOne4206996, Dec 22, 2014
  7. :) Great story !
    Tip : Try to find some other words for the same thing, in order to prevent repetition (chase-chasing;grew-grow etc.)
     
    #27 -StrawberrAmy-, Dec 22, 2014
  8. I believe it's called paragraphs
    Usually that large of a body of text isn't just one paragraph,so it looks like a wall of text to the reader.
     
    #28 ---V_RuneOfFlame---, Dec 22, 2014
  9. ^
     
    #29 buttpirate69, Dec 22, 2014
  10. So it was water the whole time or?
     
    #30 -Trey3, Dec 22, 2014
  11. So is it water or blood you drown in? Because earlier it said blood, but the line line says water :$
     
    #31 PennyCoin, Dec 22, 2014
  12. This sounds more like a bad dream, then a story.
     
    #32 Mandi270, Dec 22, 2014
  13. Cool story
     
    #33 -Mono-, Dec 22, 2014
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