UPDATE I had broken out into a cold sweat at some point during the night. As I sat up, i stared at the slip of paper I had removed from my pocket. I blinked as I read the number and replayed what had happened in my head. I slowly reached for my phone, and entered the number. Sarah was the only connection I had to that doctor, and he was somehow linked to the removal of my soul. I called her, and waited as my phone rang. After a moment it stopped ringing and I heard a familiar voice. Hello? Who is this? I waited a moment before replying. Who was I? I wasn't James anymore, that I knew for sure. After taking another second to compose myself I mumbled "I-It's James." I heard a sigh of relief through the receiver. "Hey James," she replied warmly. "How are you?" I paused again. How would a normal person reply? "I'm good," I lied. "And you?" "I-I'm g-good," she stuttered. She obviously didn't speak to men much. I decided to continue. "So are you busy later? Because I was kind of wondering if I could speak to you alone..." I could almost feel the shockwave of excitement through the phone "YES!" She yelled out, a little too quickly. "I m-mean sure..." I pretended to laugh "Meet me at the coffee shop at 7:00." I didn't have to say which coffee shop. There was only one in town. It was a humble little cafe with delicious treats and drinks. I used to go there all the time. "I'll meet you there," Sarah said into the phone. After hanging up, I realized I was using her. She probably cared about me. After all she did have feelings. I was just trying to get information. I was further surprised when I didn't receive the pang of guilt I would normally get from doing something like this. I closed my eyes and began to wait until I had to leave for the cafe... As I got into my car, I pulled out my keys and revved the engine. I sat in the drivers seat of my sedan and looked over the dashboard, before putting my car into reverse and pulled out of the driveway. I drove to the small cafe, reading the sign above the door. Ground 0. This was the place. I entered the coffee shop and sat at a table, waiting for Sarah. I noticed her enter, and waved her over. She was wearing a cute blue dress and had her wavy dark hair flowing down her back. She smiled when she saw me and I watched her cross the cafe, forcing a smile onto my face. I'm sure that if I had a soul, I would have thought myself lucky to be here, after all, she was beautiful. She sat across from me. "Hey." It was a stupidly simple thing to say. "You look great," I added quickly. She smiled and whispered, "Thanks.How are you?" "I'm great. And you?" I said, louder than necessary. She giggled and said, "I'm good now. So what do you want to talk about?" "Oh, anything really," I lied "I just wanted to see you. How's your job as a nurse going?" "Nursing intern," she corrected me. "And it's well, but some of the doctors and employees are a bit strange..." she continued. "Oh really? I said jokingly, even though I was 100% serious. "Shut up," she giggled. "I don't know, some of them are just weird...." I looked her up and down as she talked. She was in a normal pair of running shoes, a blue dress cut high up on her legs, a chain necklace, and a small purse over her shoulder. "Weird like how?" I asked. "I don't really know..." She said " Just weird. What should I get?" She asked looking towards the pastries in the window. " I don't really know," I replied truthfully "I don't come here too often." She stared for a few more moments, then cleared her throat and said "Excuse me, could I get a slice of that chocolate cake? And a mocha please" "Make that two please," I said over her shoulder. She turned towards me and smiled. I smiled back and payed for our orders. "I can never resist an opportunity for sweets," she told me. I looked at her slim figure, finding this hard to believe. She giggled as she saw me stare at her. We sat and drank our mochas, as she ate her cake. When we had finished, I followed her into the parking lot. She hugged me when we had reached her car. She quickly stood on her toes and kissed my cheek, giggling as she climbed into her car. I stood there in shock as she drove off. I made a mental note of everything she had mentioned about the hospital. Even though it wasn't much, it was a start. I drove home and laid down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I would once again wait until morning
I agree. Paragraphs should be more distinct. It also becomes less stressful on the reader's eyes. From a grammatical standpoint, watch those tenses. Past, present, future. Keep the tense consistent if it's past, make sure all verbs and subject follow the past tense rule. Overall: this is super good. Very detailed and imaginative. Bump!