Amazonian Boy

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Cherry1313, Jun 4, 2012.

  1. Great so far, but it's PROLOGUE. EPILOGUE's are always last. 
     
  2. BUMP!
    I'm a fool for romances. 
     
  3. Oh the story is fine. Just spell out your words. Like "Cause" instead of "coz"
     
  4. Pretty good,
     
  5. Wow thanks guys! This is a keeper
     
  6. Great story ! bump 
     
  7. 
    River's POV


    I swiftly opened the glass door to the café, Chloe was there, cleaning tables with her little black apron on. "Hey River!" she squealed.
    "Hi Chloe." for me Chloe was fun and bubbly but far too energetic, in-your-face and tiring. Nevertheless she's a great waitress, funny with the older people, flirty with the younger, bubbly with the kids. I twisted the closed sign over to open and threw on my striped apron. Just as I was about to take a cookie from the jar the bell from the door rung. "Hey Amazonian Boy" I turned round to see a beautiful, smirking girl. Autumn.

    
     
  8. I know it's short but at least I updated
     
  9. Is there gonna be any twist?
    I love them.
    Overall, it's satisfying.

    DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS!
    ~Toxic
    °.*•❉༻❣༺༠ི༠ྀ༻❣༺❉•*.°
     
  10. There was a twist she's an angel of darkness
     
  11. Cherry, word to tge wise, don't reveal that unlease it's in the story, it removes the mystery and stuff.
     
  12. This is a great story,but who's the master?
     
  13. That's a secret.

    And I didn't reveal it, that was quite clear in the second update!!
     
  14. It wasn't THAT clear..
    She all of a sudden had wings and killed someone. That in no way signifies an 'angel of darkness'..
     
  15.  Great story! Update!
     
  16. That wasn't constructive criticism, that was down right rude! If you don't complement or give constructive criticism don't read. And didn't you write that amazing story where she moves in with that guy after her sister hits her and he proposes, with Josh and Ali and gummy sharks?
     
  17. Either way I apologise for my rudeness.