A brunette, redhead, and blonde were trapped on an island that was 20 miles away from the mainland (and there were no boats or whatnot in between there). After a month, the brunette couldn't take being stranded anymore and tried to swim to safety. She swam 7 miles, got too tired, and drowned. Then the redhead decided to try. She swam 11 miles, got too tired, and drowned. Finally, the blonde decided to try. She swam 19 miles, got too tired, and swam all the way back to the island.
Why did god give blonde's 2 more brain cells than he gave cows? So they wouldn't shit all over when you play with their tits.
Why does a blonde take so long to drive? Because she takes three right turns instead of a left all the time.
?How to get across the river A blonde once got lost near a river. She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side. She tried walking in the shallow part of the river, and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get across. After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up. Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her--across the bridge.
A blonde went into the hairdresser to get a hair cut she was wearing headphones so the hair dresser asked her to take them off to cut her hair properly. The blonde exclaimed "no no! I can't take them off or I'll die!" So the hairdresser tried to accommodate her cutting her hair as the blonde bobbed her head to the music. Eventually after asking her a 6th time to take the headphones off and the blonde saying she couldn't the hair dresser rips the head phones off the blondes head and the blonde promptly dies. The hairdresser wondering what was so important in the music that would make the blonde pass away so abruptly puts the head phones on and hears.... "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out."
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were running away from the police. They spy 3 potato sacks and promptly hop into the sacks. The policemen come upon the sacks and think they look suspicious so one by one they kick each of the sacks. They walk up to the sack the redhead was in and kick it they hear "meow meow". They walk up to the sack the brunette is in and kick it and hear "woof woof". They walk up to the sack the blonde was in and kick it and hear "potatoes! Potatoes!".
So, a blonde goes to see her vet. She says, "Doctor, I believe my fish epileptic." The vet looks at her fish and says "it looks fine to me." The blonde replies, "oh, just wait. I haven't taken it out of the water yet."
A blonde, redhead and brunette are all dead and at the stairway to heaven. They are greeted by God and he says , " Welcome to the stairway to heaven, at each of the 100 steps you will be told a joke, if you laugh you go to hell" And so 50 steps up the brunette laughed and went to hell, 75 steps up the redhead laughed and fell. And so the blonde was at the 100th step and God greeted her, " Congratulations, you have made it to the final joke!" The blonde girl started to cry out in laughter, and God asked her " Why are you laughing?!" The blonde girl brings herself together and replies," I just got the first joke!"