I could feel every bone in my body shatter as I tumbled down the icy cold hard stairs, it felt like a millennium but then I stopped and it was all black, My body felt heavy and cold yet inside I felt free and light... What was this feeling of total freedom... "if I was dead why wasn't I in heaven or in the light or something?" "why was I still here?" "was there something I needed to do?"
Okay, I just need to say this. I'm not slamming you, I'm trying to help make your writing better. You NEED to fix your grammatical errors. Oh my lord. I can barely read it. You need to add commas. If you feel like the sentence is too long, make it into 2 sentences. ELABORATE MORE. This is the one that gets EVERYONE. This will help make your updates longer. I still don't know what the characters look like. Use the 5 senses: sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.
I looked around, my weightless body searched the room, when suddenly my eyes froze upon my parents both laying dead across the steps. They had been pushed, the culprate was obvious, Henry the butler must have done it... It was all coming together now, he walked gently down one of the many dim, small, dreary corridors and it was obvious I was undetectable, as I was I in theory well... Dead. I knew his motive, he killed everyone and used my parents to gain the riches of doon lane manor. It was up to me to hatch a cunning plan, he wasn't goin to get away with this!