Puerto Rico

When I get bored sometimes I like to strip down to the nude, and cover myself in Vaseline and pretend I'm a slug on my neighbors driveway because I hate him. He doesn't really like when I do that so he chases after me with gasoline and matches, but I give a really nice push and I slide down the driveway to safety.
 
Sometimes I like to wrap myself in raw bacon and hide at the entrance of our neighborhood and if anyone comes by I pop out and yell "NONE SHALL PASS."
 
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