I've only read a few updates and this is what I have to say. 1) don't take criticism too harshly or personally, we're honestly trying to help. 2) use paragraphs. Especially between conversations. 3) punctuation. Like quotation marks ("") or comas, etc. It helps a lot. 4) description. Give description on the objects, of the people, of the feelings being felt. 5) don't make it sound so predictable, maybe give the characters a little more personality.
I won't be on again until Friday and I know Bella will kill me but something came up all of a sudden....GoodBye PIMD family ill see you all Friday