Sorry it took so long but here is the update! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brooke's POV I was still staring at my name when I heard the bell ring. I quickly stood up, graves my stuff and went out the door. I was freaking out. What if he saw how I drew his name all over the back cover, what if he thought i was some creepy stalker. I was thinking so much much that I accidentally ran into an open locker. This day can't possible get any worse! Well that's what I thought until I found out whose locker door I ran into.... Brody's. "oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I wasn't paying attention." I hurriedly said. Then i remembered that I had his notebook."Here," I held out his notebook, "I accidentally picked up the wrong notebook earlier." I felt my face turn red. "Thanks," he said. He took his notebook and held out mine. " And uh-" He started to say, but I panicked, grabbed my notebook and tooled off. 'He must think I'm a total loser' I thought to myself as I walked down the hall. I decided to skip my next period and instead spend some time doing something else.
Good job. I would recommend slowing down, and taking your time to build suspense. Also, try to add more detail (What she's wearing, what the weather's like, what her surroundings look like, how she's feeling, etc.), but try to integrate it into your story. Don't say "the weather was cloudy". Instead, say something like, "worriedly, I looked up at the sky, trying to speed up the process. I wanted to finish and be inside before the dark clouds on the horizon reached me; it was sure to bring a torrential downpour." But your story's very interesting, and I can't wait to read more.
Sorry for the long wait but here is the update! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I heard the bell ring and echo through the hall signaling the start of the next period. I grabbed what I wanted from my locker and slowly walked to the Art room. When I arrived, I Found it empty as usual. The art program at school had been cancelled quite a few years ago, but I had happened to stumble upon the old abandoned art room. Whenever I was sad or needed to think or be by myself, I would go to the abandoned art room. I walked over to the farthest corner of the room, sat down, and started to paint. When I had had enough of painting, I set down my supplies and checked the time. 'Perfect' I thought to myself, 'exactly 5 minutes before next period which gives me plenty of time to get to my locker without anyone noticing me.' I packed up my things and silently slid out the door and shut it quietly. I then casually walked to my locker and noticed that I was two minutes early. I opened my locker to get my stuff when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. My reflexes took over and I quickly turned and punched who ever tapped me in the nose. Then I realized who I had just punched. I just wanted to crawl up and die.